Giambi and Steroids, A-Rod, Baseball Musings

• Call me suspicious when a 36 year old man can't trot around the base path without ripping his plantar fascia, I would wager some past chemical enhancements are to blame. Look hard and well boyos, this is what steroids do for you; tens of millions of dollars and all the time in the world to enjoy them.
• A-Rod is getting some flack for shouting at rookie and getting him to drop the ball. I don't like A-Rod that much but I can't say he was that far out of line, still he's gonna get drilled the next time New York plays Toronto.
• Rumors swirl that the listless Yankees may trade Johny Damon. That's cool. I don't have much more to say because I don't care and Damon matters very little at this point.
• More A-Rod news. I guess he's been seen about town with a busty blonde who is decidedly not Mrs. A-Rod. I hope he has a good prenup. The NYC press has come up with some good names: Stray-Rod and Yankee-Doodle-Randy. Enjoy yourself Alex, stay out late, drink up. Life is short.
• It's a good thing that Chien-Ming Wang pitches for the Yankees in the AL. If he were to bat in the NL, get on base and get caught in squeeze play, things could get embarrassing.
• If the Sox sweep the Yanks this weekend at home they will be 16.5 games ahead of the Evil Empire. Heads will probably roll if that happens. If the Yanks sweep the Sox, not bloody likely, the Yankees will still be 10.5 games behind. It's hard to play with a fork in your ass.
• If John Lester comes back and is effective, how great will that be? Now if only Lugo, Drew and Crisp can figure out how to hit the ball we will be unstoppable.

Hook, Line and Sinker

I'm such a sucker. I went to eeeeeevil Walmart to buy some heavy fishing line for my salt water rig and saw this irresistible selection of poppers. I had to buy them and I don't even know what species of fish they're for or how to use them. The first job of any fishing lure is to hook the fisherman. Well done boys, well done.

Rosie O' Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck

We have to find out exactly what Elisabeth Hasselbeck did to Rosie, and repeat it something like 300,000,000 times:

NEW YORK — Rosie O'Donnell said she may never speak to Elisabeth Hasselbeck again following their now-infamous confrontation on "The View" on Wednesday.
In a video entry posted on her blog, O'Donnell said Hasselbeck called and spoke to her partner Kelli Carpenter for a long time. O'Donnell said she didn't speak with Hasselbeck and 'probably won't,' but they did exchange e-mails.

Fish Porn

In honor of the blue moon, I did something I rarely do; I kept a trout. I caught him in a super secret location on the West Branch of the Farmington with a Sulphur Bunny Fly. He was rising just my side of the center riffle and he sipped my fly on the first pass. I love it when you can tell immediately that it's a good fish. I knew he was a Brown because, unlike the Rainbows that I had been catching all afternoon, he went down and toward the far bank the instant he knew he was hooked. The Rainbows would jump repeatedly, almost comically until you reel them in. On the whole, with barbless hooks, repeatedly jumping seems to be the smarter move.

Gay Aussie Hotel Embraces Reverse Discrimination

A hotel in Australia has won the right to ban heterosexuals and lesbians by the Equal Opportunity Act Tribunal because those groups make gay men uncomfortable. Leaving aside the certainty that I'll never happen upon this place in a million years, this is unmitigated bullshit of the first order.

Read what the aptly named hotel owner, Tom Mcfeely, has to say:

"The hotel predominantly markets itself towards homosexual males, towards gay men and we want to protect the integrity of the venue as well as continue to make the men feel comfortable," McFeely said. "When large numbers of heterosexuals or even lesbians are in the hotel that changes the atmosphere and many gay men can feel uncomfortable." McFeely said his aim was not to ban all straight patrons and lesbians but to limit their numbers so gay men could freely express their sexuality. He said he expected a backlash from other patrons, but added: "I'm not worried about it because to be frank I don't really care what heterosexuals or lesbians think."My main motivation is to protect my gay male customers and I realise heterosexuals and lesbians may be upset, but I don't care about that."

Fair enough, but lets change a few things around and see how it sounds:

"The hotel predominantly markets itself towards heterosexual males, towards straight men and we want to protect the integrity of the venue as well as continue to make the men feel comfortable," McFeely said. "When large numbers of homosexuals or even lesbians are in the hotel that changes the atmosphere and many straight men can feel uncomfortable." McFeely said his aim was not to ban
all gay patrons and lesbians but to limit their numbers so straight men could freely express their sexuality. He said he expected a backlash from other patrons, but added: "I'm not worried about it because to be frank I don't really care what homosexuals or lesbians think. "My main motivation is to protect my straight male customers and I realise homosexuals and lesbians may be upset, but I don't care about that.”

Pretty intolerant isn't it. This guy would get kicked off any college campus with a scarlet "I" on his chest.

When an Equal Opportunity Act Tribunal allows discrimination - no matter how well intentioned - what the hell are they good for. Equal protection under the law is perhaps the finest ideal a modern person can aspire to and these yahoos toss it out the window so gay men can feel comfortable. Guess what Waylon? Dwarfs scare the hell out of me. Should I try to get them banned from my usual haunts so that I can feel comfortable? Tolerance is a two way street, but that's not enough for you - you want to be accepted, applauded, made to feel comfortable. I understand there are assholes who would bash you on sight but don't ignore principle for the chimerical pleasures of comfort.

Greg's Unspeakable Truth is Back Baby!

Pistol whip one impertinent valet and the next thing you know you're branded as having an anger management problem.

More young American men have died from autoerotic asphyxiation than have been killed in combat in Iraq, but do you hear Nancy Pelosi talking about a time table for ending dangerous masturbation practices?

People who suffer from S.A.D. will either be wiped out in the next ice age or become an uber race of super berserk warriors.

Visit the original.

The Yankees Realy Suck

I won't pretend I'm not enjoying this, because I am, but the Yankees really suck this year. Spending money like a democratically controlled congress won't help them either. Case in point, Rodger Clemens. At the end of the year I bet they will have paid him something like $400,000.00 per successful inning. They would have been better off finding 100 hungry and talented Dominicans, Venezuelans, etc. with that filthy lucre.

With all that said I still fear the Evil Empire, despite all that is wrong with them they won't reside in the basement forever. They have too much money, their fans and owners demand success and no matter how much I hate them, I have to admit they are a first class club. They'll still won't make the playoffs, but they or the Red Sox will make it interesting by September.

Memorial Day 2007: Technical Sergeant John Chapman

This day we remember, among many others, Connecticut's own Air Force Forward Air Controller TSgt John Chapman, killed in action March 2002. :

Citation: The President of the United States of America, authorized by Title 10, section 8742, U.S.C., awards the Air Force Cross to TSgt John Chapman for extraordinary heroism in military operation against an armed enemy of the United
States as a 24th Special Tactics Squadron, Combat Controller in the vicinity of
Gardez, in the eastern highlands of Afghanistan, on 4 March 2002. On this date,
during his helicopter insertion for a reconnaissance and time sensitive targeting close air support mission, Sergeant Chapman's aircraft came under heavy machine gun fire and received a direct hit from a rocket propelled grenade which caused a United States Navy sea-air-land team member to fall from the aircraft. Though heavily damaged, the aircraft egressed the area and made an emergency landing seven kilometers away. Once on the ground Sergeant Chapman established communication with an AC-130 gunship to insure the area was secure while providing close air support coverage for the entire team. He then directed the gunship to begin the search for the missing team member. He requested, coordinated, and controlled the helicopter that extracted the stranded team and aircrew members. These actions limited the exposure of the aircrew and team to hostile fire. Without regard for his own life Sergeant Chapman volunteered to rescue his missing team member from an enemy strong hold. Shortly after insertion, the team made contact with the enemy. Sergeant Chapman engaged and killed two enemy personnel. He continued to advance reaching the enemy position then engaged a second enemy position, a dug-in machine gun nest. At this time the rescue team came under effective enemy fire from three directions. From close range he exchanged fire with the enemy from minimum personal cover until he succumbed to multiple wounds. His engagement and destruction of the first enemy position and advancement on the second position enabled his team to move to cover and break enemy contact. In his own words, his Navy sea-air-land team leader credits Sergeant Chapman unequivocally with saving the lives of the entire rescue team. Through his extraordinary heroism, superb airmanship, aggressiveness in the face of the enemy, and the dedication to the service of his country, Sergeant Chapman reflects the highest credit upon himself and the United States Air Force.

Greg's Unspeakable Truth, Bad News

They have stopped updating Greg's Unspeakable Truth. Perhaps Greg Gutfeld is too busy with Red Eye and rolling nude in piles of freshly minted $100 bills to bother with it any more. Just as well, I have spent far too much time writing little snippets of unmentionable veracities. Listed below are most if not all of the Unspeakables I have posted, N.B. some are kind of pointy so if you are easily offended you had better wise the heck up. (Only kidding, you may wish to stop reading)

Did you ever notice that the intro Bob Marley’s "Get Up, Stand Up" kinda sounds like the theme to "The Peoples Court"?

It doesn’t matter how ugly, boring or liberal you are, after I’ve had four or five Gimlets everything that comes out of your mouth seems funny to me, especially vomit.

Tools who park sideways across two or three parking spaces because they think hey have a nice car are just begging to get keyed.

I bet the guys in The Wiggles get all the MILF action they can handle.

I don’t think Chef Boyardee is a real chef, if he is, he’s not a very good one.

Even chunky and bald I bet Brittany is still a pretty good roll in the hay.

The daily special is food that is about to go bad so the restaurant pushes it before it spoils. Enjoy.
Hotels know exactly which movies you watched on PPV you pervert.

Farting on a crowded elevator is hilarious when you do it, disgusting and unforgivable when someone else does.

If you have more than ten Unspeakable Truths "published" you need to get a life.

I always find it amusing to give a half a pack of Chocolaty Ex-Lax to this Chihuahua named Biscuit a snooty lady carries around town in her Prada bag. If only I could find a way to feed him blueberries too.

If nude autopsy photos of Anna Nicole Smith became available they would be widely published to the delight of many disgusting degenerates.

If you're planning to murder your pregnant wife, don’t do it. Not only is double homicide is a mortal sin, your chances of getting away with it are nonexistent since you will be the prime suspect from jump.

Meter maids are notorious for being miserable, old harridans. Whenever I see one ticketing cars outside my office, I run down, lift her up in a big bear hug and plant a big, sloppy, wet kiss on her. It never gets me out of a ticket, but I think it brightens her day a bit.

If you hope that ribs on your condom will make the difference, you need to rework your game.

Few things are more embarrassing than misspelling "illiterate" when flaming someone in an online forum.

If you look at drunken Miss USA Tara Conner and think "that’s too bad", you’re gay as hell. On the other hand if you think it would fun to have a few drinks with her and see where things go, you’re kidding yourself.

When micturating in public, it’s best to stand at attention, face town hall and Old Glory above it and salute gravely with your free hand. Only a god dammed Bolshevik would molest you during such a moment.

When firing an employee you should do it on a Friday and use the "Knock, knock" method. Call them into your office late Friday afternoon and say "Knock, knock." Curious, he or she will reply "Who’s there?" and then you say "Not you anymore, pack your shit. You’re fucking fired." I find levity alleviates what can often be a tense situation and helps the employee transition to a life of day time TV watching.

It’s perfectly acceptable to stiff your waitress on her tip if she has small breasts. To stiff an ample breasted gal, however, is just plain niggardly.

In a perfect world, the person who invented Karaoke and every drunk who ever tried it would be abraded to non-existence by a high speed sander using fine grain salt impregnated sandpaper.

The best way to break up with a woman is to be honest with her and tell that your wife found out about your relationship and she demanded that you end it. Most of the time your new ex girlfriend will really appreciate the honesty. If not, fuck her, you weren’t the one dating a married man.

If you have poor impulse control and are a bit of a tool, it may behoove you to memorize the symptoms of Tourettes Syndrome.

If you crave excitement but don’t have a lot of cash, hangout at an urban Emergency Room on a Saturday night, sit back and enjoy life’s rich pageant.

Call me superficial, but I think starving children are a small price to pay for the spectacle of a very well fed Sally Struthers strolling around emaciated, naked children in some third world shit hole with her stubby gams stuffed into her ridiculous cowboy boots.

Two types of men want to become Scout leaders. The first are decent, normal men who believe in Scouting and want to instruct the kids. The second type, just want to be around boys. Any guesses about how many of the second type are running around?

Chances of winning Power ball, 1 in 146,107,962. Chances of being killed by a crackhead robbing the 7-11 while purchasing your ticket, 1 in 500.

If you order your food in Chinese while dining at a Chinese restaurant they will charge you less. If you mock them with silly pigeon Engrish they’ll spit in your food at the very least.

Unless you need the phrase "tragic industrial meat grinder accident" there’s nothing you can say about The Dixie Chicks that is remotely interesting.

If you’re into the Grateful Dead or Phish and like to smoke dope, DO NOT put their sticker on your car. You might as well beg the police to pull your stoner ass over and strip search you.

John Amaechi may be gay, but that only concerns you if you date him. Tim Hardaway is a pernicious asshole, which concerns everybody.

If your in your mid to late thirties and have never been married chances are you have some major issues other than being very unattractive.

I can’t take Yoda seriously. Every time he opens his little green pie hole, all I hear is Fozzy Bear.

It would be hysterical if Eddie Murphy mistakenly bought a first class, around the world ticket on Air Tran. Boy, would he be disappointed.

There’s no such thing as "Sea Monkeys" they’re just brine shrimp.

If Barack Obama was named Brian O`Bannon you would have never heard of him and he certainly would not be running for president.

People who drive around with "Violence Never Solved Anything" bumper stickers need their asses kicked. It won’t get rid of the sticker, but it will make me feel better.

There was a time when Cindy Sheehan had moral capital, now she`s crazy as bat shit.

The myth that it’s lucky to have a bird shit on your head was made up to console people who had a bird shit on their head.

Katie Couric is perky because she devours a live, whole puppy before each show.

You don’t have any black friends. The black guy from the office who was at happy hour the Wednesday before Thanksgiving isn’t "down with you" and thinks you’re a bit of prick.

Chris Dodd couldn’t be elected president of the Hair Club for Men.

If the police have been to your home because of something you did, you are probably a low life.

A comb over is a lie everyone agrees to ignore, but no one believes.

Attempted murder is one thing but wearing diapers while doing so is just bizarre.

The price of diamonds is completely artificial. The fact that women wear them is a sign of their utter incompetence in financial matters. The fact that men buy diamonds is yet more proof that men will do anything to get laid.

Most dogs are better than most people, yet they still roll in shit. This is not a criticism of dogs.

Don’t try to act all blue collar when dropping your car off at the garage. You don’t know an O2 sensor from a Gillett Sensor and the mechanics know it so you're going to get boned.

9 out of 10 Sommeliers are complete frauds and haven’t a clue what to recommend. Fortunately for them you don’t know a thing about wine.

When police arrest a pedophile and search his home they almost always find Star Trek memorabilia. The FBI opines that almost all pervs are Trekkies, but not all Trekkies are pervs. Even so, keep Trekkies away from your kids.

In Hollywood, Michael Jackson is only slightly weirder than average.

If you’re a man over 40 and you have a ponytail most people despise you on sight.

You are much more likely to kill yourself than win the lottery or play pro ball.

If you think there is a pill you can take that will magically enlarge your penis, you deserve a small penis for being so damn gullible.

The whole stripper working her way through college thing is myth, as is the hooker with a heart of gold. Women who strip or hook are highly dysfunctional and more than likely drug addicted, and if you patronize either you're part of the problem.

Bald men living today should thank God they live in a time and place where all they have to do is grow a goatee, shave their head and voila! They’re a hipster/biker dude, not a middle aged bald guy.

Go ahead say you read Finnegan’s Wake and Ulysses no one will call you on it because no one you know has read it either

If you had an embarrassing, painful or potentially deadly STD, would you risk missing a night of crazy, anonymous, monkey sex with a one night stand by telling them about it before hand? Do you think everybody feels this way?

Bumper stickers propagate as rational, independent thought decreases and are primarily a liberal affectation. If you see a car with more than five bumper stickers there is a 90% probability the owner is liberal and a pain in the ass about it.

There are few things more divergent than men’s fantasies about lesbians and the reality of lesbians. Fantasy: Vanessa Williams, silk, Penthouse. Reality: Rosy O’Donnell, yards of stretchy fabric, The View.

Pigs are smarter and if given a chance much more affable than dogs. Unfortunately for them they are also delicious.

Designer Vaginas

This now is carrying accessorising to a whole new extreme; Designer Vaginas. It seems some women are very self conscious about the appearance of their vaginas. Who knew? Speaking from my very, very limited experience, I have always been so happy to be in a position, no pun intended, to see one first hand it never occurred to me to complain. I think this line from the story sums up the situation quite well:

The BMJ piece suggests genitoplasty is a classic example of where commercial, media and social pressures artificially create a problem, fuel concern over it and then put forward a solution for it.

Annual Vermont Fly Fishing Trip

This spring has seen the re-birth, or renaissance if you will, of an ancient and time honored tradition; The Vermont Fly Fishing Trip. It started for me more than ten years ago when an alumnus of the UCONN Veteran Center invited some of us UCONN vets to a fishing trip in Pittsburgh New Hampshire with his Vermont Law School Buddies. Over the years the trip has been frequented by such luminaries as the Queen, The Nelli Brothers, Dexter, Freebase, Pumpkin Head Paul, Peanut Head Dave, Cert Denied, Coolio, Lurch, Lude, The Snitch, Colon Blow, Mad Max, and last and probably least Pan. I'd use their real names but in many cases I don't know them, even though I've known them for over ten years and the ones I do know have real jobs and may wish to avoid any association with this trip.

There is the famous story of when The Queen went to call Freebase to arrange travel north. Freebase's father a career military man often described as "all business" answered the phone. The Queen had no idea of Freebases's real name nor did he think The Base would know his, so he says to the old grizzled NCO "Hi, this is The Queen, may I speak to Freebase?" Mr. Freeman the no nonsense NCO shouts out to his son, "There's a boy on the phone. Goes by the name of the Queenie, that boy ain't right."

Dry Bones Blog: Jimmy Carter

The Dry Bones Blog is always excellent, you should check it out.

Mitt-mentum

Talk about tone deaf, I just received this e-mail from the Romney campaign:

Keep the Mitt-mentum Going!


Dear El,
Thank you for joining Team Mitt during the nationwide grassroots effort, Sign Up America! It was a huge success and we surpassed the goal of signing up 24,000 new supporters in 24 hours. Thanks to you, we have over 30,000 new members on board with Team Mitt.
Such strong support shows that Mitt’s message of bringing conservative change to Washington is reaching families from coast to coast. Look to Iowa, where the first and pivotal presidential straw poll caucus will take place.

Mitt-mentum! Are they that unaware of the derision heaped upon poor clueless Joe Lieberman for his now infamous Joe-mentum catch phrase? Apparently so.
Fear not faithful readers I haven't jumped onto to the Haircut's bandwagon, I merely subscribe to most of the major candidates email lists just to stay abreast of what festers beneath all that hairspray.

Nobel Laureates and Cluster Bombs

Six female Nobel Laureates have called for the elimination of cluster bombs because, apparently, they hurt people:

Jody Williams and five other female Nobel prize laureates on Tuesday urged civilians to press for the elimination of cluster bombs, which cripple children and others long after the fighting has stopped.
"While so many of the worlds arms cause so much human misery, cluster munitions deserve to be singled out as an especially pernicious weapon of ill repute," Williams said.
"They have become synonymous with civilian casualties," the US Nobel laureate read from the statement signed by her and five women Nobel Peace Prize winners: Rigoberta Menchu (Guatemala-1992); Shirin Ebadi ( Iran-2003); Wangari Maathai (Kenya-2004); Betty Williams and Mairead Corrigan Maguire (Ireland-1976).

I wondered what these women were Nobel laureates in so I looked them up and apparently they're pretty much all against war and stuff. While I think it's great that someone doesn't like the idea of people getting blown up by little bomblets, what sort of government will be persuaded by their arguments? China, North Korea, Iran, Syria, Russia, Uganda, etc? Or will it be those saber rattling Kiwis in New Zealand and those terrors of the North Atlantic, The Republic of Ireland, The Brits and the Danes?

Before you say "they are just trying to raise awareness" stop. I am aware bomblets kill people, even people not specifically at war. With all this raising of awareness, I can't concentrate on important things like the skyrocketing price of ammo or how bad the Yankees suck this year. All joking aside, this is the sort of bullshit that passes for humanitarianism. Get the minorities in Darfur religious tolerance or end female circumcision worldwide, but don't hector representative democracies about a weapon system while dictatorships can still use whatever the hell they want on whoever the hell they want.

Top 10 Songs To Drive Fast To in a Convertible

1. Don't Change by INXS
2. Ultraviolet by U2
3. Head On by The Pixies
4. I Can Never Take The Place of Your Man by Prince
5. Dammit by Blink 182
6. Born to Run by Frankie Goes To Hollywood
7. Somebody Got Murdered by The Clash
8. It's The End of The Word As We Know It by REM
9. Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order
10. Allison is Starting to Happen by The Lemonheads

Feel free to add your own, this list will change as conditions and mood warrant. Re-reading this list it occurs to me that I'm getting old, most of these songs came out in the 90s.

Who Won the G.O.P. Debate

Who "won" it? I don't know. I didn't watch it and probably never will watch a debate unless some issue sprouts up that needs debating. The thing is I already know who I'm going to vote for in November. Whoever runs against Hillary Clinton. You see the G.O.P. gets a mulligan here because they don't need a candidate that will energize their base, the Dems did that for them. As astute and tough as HRC is she has more baggage than American Airlines, and none of it is lost. She leaves many Dem voters cold but enrages the base on the right. That, my friend, is the perfect G.O.P. candidate.

For the record I like Fred Thompson, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, in that order. All the rest are also rans who should try to shape the debate in favor of their pet issue because that's the only way they will effect anything.

Coffee

Is there anything better than coffee? I suppose an argument could be made for truth or justice, but do either of them taste so good, keep you alert and make you poop? I didn't think so.

Here in New England this is a time of transition. Some mornings are still chilly, so I have my usual large coffee. Sometimes it's muggy already and I opt for iced coffee, lightly sweetened with room for cream. In a few weeks it will iced coffee until October. By my office there are three coffee shops, one closed a few months back. Fortunately it was the crappy one that I rarely went to. The only thing they had that I really, really liked was milk and cream in the old time glass bottles with the paper caps. Man those things are cool. Certain things change but are never improved, the old time milk bottles are one of those things.

Katie Couric

Linda Mason a CBS Senior Vice President thinks that Katie Couric is having a hard time because we the bumpkins in dog-patch prefer our news read by white, older men:

I'm just surprised at how, almost 30 years after I worked on the "Evening News" as the first woman producer, that Katie is having such a tough time being accepted by the public, which seems to prefer the news from white guys, and now that Charlie's doing so well, from older white guys. I guess they want the reassurance of a Walter Cronkite.

It could be that or maybe people just don't like like Katie Couric. I may be a bad judge because I don't watch any network news, but if I were to do so I would avoid Couric like a case of bleeding gonorrhea. Why? Because she's on CBS news which is about as trustworthy a news source as Baghdad Bob and she's as annoying as nails on a chalkboard.
Newsflash Linda, Walter Cronkite was a lying son of a bitch too, but back then we didn't have the internet to fact check his commie loving ass. You could have replaced Dan Rather with Mahatma Gandhi after Rathergate and it wouldn't have made a difference. The days of network news have passed.

Sheryl Crow Adopts A Kid

"I am so excited to share with you guys that I've adopted a little boy. He was born two weeks ago," Crow announced on her Web site Friday. She told fans the boy's name "is Wyatt (after my dad) Steven (after my little brother and Scooter) and we are enjoying some very private family time."

Good for her, I wish her and her family health and happiness. My only concern is that with her peculiar views on toilet paper and such, she might only change the kid every other week or so.

Just Wondering: Mama's Family

Do you remember the skit "The Family" on the Carol Burnett show with Vicki Lawrence later spun off to become the TV series "Mama's Family" on both NBC and CBS? Can you imagine a more depressing "comedy"? Just wondering.

Mitt Romney Polygamy

Mitt Romney says he "Can't think of anything worse than polygamy". There are a few ways to interpret this. One, he was sitting next to his wife at the time. Two, he has a very, very poor imagination. Three, he's not very honest. Four, he's not fond of Robert Burns' poetry:

Green grow the rashes, O;

Green grow the rashes, O;

The sweetest hours that e'er I spend

Are spent amang the lasses, O.
I

There's nought but care on ev'ry han',

In every hour that passes, O:

What signifies the life o' man,

An' 't were na for the lasses, O?
II

The warl'y race may riches chase,

An' riches still may fly them, O;

An' tho' at last they catch them fast,

Their hearts can ne'er enjoy them, O.
III

But gie me a canny hour at e'en,

My arms about my dearie, O:

An' warl'y cares, an' war'ly men,

May a' gae tapsalteerie, O.
IV

For you sae douce, ye sneer at this,

Ye're nought but senseless asses, O:

The wisest man the warl' e'er saw

He dearly lov'd the lasses, O.
V

Auld Nature swears the lovely dears

Her noblest work she classes, O:

Her 'prentice han' she tried on man,

An' then she made the lasses, O.

Green grow the rashes, O;

Green grow the rashes, O;

The sweetest hours that e'er I spend

Are spent amang the lasses, O.

Southies

BOSTON (Reuters) - A fistfight in the balcony stopped the music on opening night at the Boston Pops, drawing gasps from hundreds of well-heeled guests at one of the country's oldest and best-known city orchestras.
Read the whole thing and wonder at the restraint of the author for omitting the terms "Donnybrook" and "Paddy Wagon". Oddly enough I haven't seen a fist fight at Fenway, in the stands anyway, since 1981.

James Lileks

The Minneapolis Star Tribune, or Strib, James Lileks' primary employer has re-assigned him to write straight news stories. This is not unusual, many employers have reassigned staff based on emergent needs. Such as:

• Jessica Alba will no longer wear revealing outfits in feature films, she will now lecture on Sylvia Plath poetry at our nation's women's colleges.
• The John Deere company has engaged legendary auto designer Enzo Ferrari to design their new, entry level farm tractor. Enzo says he looks forward to working in green and cast iron.
• Stephen Hawking will now be the starting center for the Miami Heat. Shaquille O'Neal will now try to explain the origins of the universe.
• Al Gore will lecture us on global warming.
• Yao Ming has left the NBA and entered a apprentice jockey program at Churchill Downs.
• David Hasselhoff and Alec Baldwin are co-authoring a book on parenting.
• Hillary Clinton has given up the trappings of power and is giving charm lessons at Vassar.
• Rosy O'Donnell fresh from the View, will now lecture on Physics at MIT.

If these uses of manpower sound silly, imagine reassigning a man who writes engagingly about visits to Target with his daughter to write about bond issues. While I'm sure Lileks can do it, even if he's disinclined to, why would you?

A Selection of Lightweights

It seems to me that almost every candidates for president in 2008 on the democratic side, with the possible exception of HRC, are a bunch of lightweights.
Barack Obama? Please. The man has all the gravitas of Keanu Reeves and the political insight of Barbara Streisand. If his name were Barney O' Bannion, with his experience, his candidacy would be laughable. The fact that he's Black and "clean" as in he hasn't shaken down half of the Fortune 500 or encouraged a mob to murder by arson are two of his main attributes. Try finding three more.
John Edwards, sorry but the Breck boy preaching about global warming and two Americas while living in 20,000 square foot house doesn't inspire much enthusiasm. He'll have to to bring more to the stump than a spendy haircut and class warfare if he wants to win the nomination. People who know how this s.o.b. earned all his money know that he and his ilk are part of the problem and a long way removed from the solution.
Bill Richardson is kind of interesting. I'd like to hear more about him. Every time I have heard him speak, I thought him well spoken and diplomatic. I fear his politics are the same old tired lefty group think, but he seems to be a decent guy.
Chris Dodd, no one not even Dodd himself thinks he has the slightest chance of becoming president. His candidacy is all about vanity or perhaps a bar wager. Here in Connecticut where a new high school principle is front page news, Dodd's campaign hasn't created any Doddmentum or Chris-to-buzz. In fact we liked it better when he was drinking heavily with Teddy Kennedy and getting handy with D.C. waitresses, Yankee Doodle being the state song and all.
Dennis Kucinich, it's easy to make fun of Kucinich, but I admire him because I believe he believes, all the crazy shit that comes out of his mouth. I don't think he's qualified to run a rural lending library or even borrow from one, but I don't think we have to worry about him being nominated either.
Al Gore used to be kind of centrist Democrat and a sane, if kinda stiff, sorta pol. Then he lost in 2000 to GWB because Bubba was getting hummers in the Oval Office and that unhinged him. Since then he's been crazier than the cat lady on the Simpson's.
Joe Biden is fun because occasionally he says something he means. The problem is you have to listen to him to hear it. He's yet another senator who thinks he has a chance at the presidency for no other reason than he thinks he does, but again, he doesn't.
Mike Gravel, despite a great sounding name this man is all flip when he isn't all flop. Yet another tired Democrat politico who you will never hear from again after 2007 unless you are unfortunate enough to be from his state, whichever state that happens to be.

Which leaves Hillary Clinton. Hillary is tough, shrewd and very, very left wing despite how she's trying to position herself now. It may not be fair but a woman this tough is assumed to be bitchy when the same traits in a man, i.e. Rudy Giuliani, are thought of as ballsy. Of all the Democratic candidates she's the pick of the litter. In the next several months the wheels will come the Obama bus and Hillary will continue to roll along, until the election where any of the top three G.O.P candidates will defeat here handily.

Clemens

A song by Boston artist Jake Brennan:



The story behind the song is told here. (link via BostonDirtDogs.com)

For my part, I'm glad he went with the Yankees. As Bill Simmonms says, "There's finally a villain on the 2007 Yankees. Just like the good old days. I was tired of talking myself into despising A-Rod and Posada."

Super Duper

When wetting a line there's no lure like a Super Duper, at least in fresh water. Why? I have no clue, but the stupid looking paper clip seems to work almost everywhere. I have caught three or four species in the same afternoon with the exact same Super Duper so the fish seem to find it bite worthy.

Yahoos Want Chimp Declared a Person

I love stories like this:

VIENNA, Austria (AP) - In some ways, Hiasl is like any other Viennese: He indulges a weakness for pastry, likes to paint and enjoys chilling out watching TV.
But he doesn't care for coffee, and he isn't actually a person—at least not yet. In a case that could set a global legal precedent for granting basic rights to apes, animal rights advocates are seeking to get the 26- year-old male chimpanzee legally declared a "person."
Hiasl's supporters argue he needs that status to become a legal entity that can receive donations and get a guardian to look out for his interests.

My first response is beware Austrians dicking around with what is and what is not a person. Last time an Austrian tried this on a large scale it didn't work out so well. Secondly, I wonder if this same sort of ploy will work for actual human persons who haven't been born yet.

Jim McGreevey

What's a disgraced former governor to do after he's tossed out of office on the heals of a gay sex scandal. Other than divorcing his wife, Jim McGreevey has left the Catholic Church entered the Episcopal church and it's seminary. Why not? He may even become bishop there?

Joan Baez

Folk singer and anti-war activist Joan Baez says she doesn't know why she was not allowed to perform for recovering soldiers recently at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as she planned.

Here are the top ten reasons why Joan Baez was axed:

10. No one knew for sure that she was still alive.

9. After witnessing all the trauma of being wounded and the death and carnage of combat a Joan Baez concert would be too much to endure.

8. She sucks.

7. Rabid Anti-Americanism has not been shown to promote healing among U.S. war veterans.

6. There might be one or two Vietnam era Veterans around who remember her and they might have a K-BAR.

5. The sixties have been over for four decades.

4. Wheel of Fortune was on.

3. Servicemen tired of being spit on.

2. Communism not so chic anymore.

1. Seriously, do you really need a reason?