Thursday, November 15, 2007

Happy Holidays!

Seasons Greetings! It's that time of year again where we bend over backwards to avoid oppressing the frail peoples of the earth with our series of all powerful , (and culture destroying) holiday celebrations. Our nation's retailers sensitive to the plight of the culturally challenged have taken positive, yea affirmative, action. Lowes now calls the horridly oppressive tree a "family tree".

To whit and in an effort to further make bland our world, I have taken it upon myself to re-identify some culturally insensitive icons:

This is not a Kwanzaa tableau. Note the corn, the menorah and the harvest motif. Corn is indigenous to America, the menorah is a Hebrew thing and Kwanzaa is celebrated in late December through early January, so it'd be plain ridiculous to have a harvest motif so late in the year. No, this is merely a students exercise in still life photography. I could be wrong though.

Here it is the burning cross, if you will, of the holiday season, the dreaded Christmas tree. Lowes' idea to call it a "family tree" is plainly discriminatory to those without, you know, a family. So I propose we call it "Winter Time Illuminated Fir Decoration". It's no worse than many other political correct euphemisms I can think of.

Despite the banner proclaiming "Happy Thanksgiving" I'd suggest that this is nothing more than some beloved childhood icons indulging in some plain old fashioned cannibalism. Don't knock it, their culture is every bit as valid as yours, probably much more so. Cannibalism is open to everyone, Deist, atheist, agnostic what have you. The only thing you need is a body, some fava beans and nice chiaaaanti.

Some might think this is a menorah used to celebrate an ancient Maccabean victory over the Seleucids. With all that's still going on in that region, do we still need to remember every single year who our friends and enemies are and were? No. This is the 21st century and we all need to reduce, recycle and reuse. This is nothing more than a seven holder candelabra to keep away the darkness during the bleak winter months.

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