Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Rocket Launches - Kinda, Sorta

Knock me over with a duck fart, Roger Clemens will pitch for the Houston Astros. He says it's about winning, so naturally he chooses the sixth worse team in the NL. There was so much talk about him pitching for the Sox or The Evil Empire, primarily by people who have no clue. When dealing with Roger Clemens there are no surprises, he will do what's best for him - can't fault him for that. If he could just learn to shut up.
Pitching under the microscope in zoos like Fenway or Yankee Stadium against guys like Ortiz, Sheffield, Glaus, Ramirez or Wells is not a task any one desires unless he has something to prove. I guess at this point in his career The Rocket feels like he's nothing to prove. He is a Hall of Fame sure thing and one of the greatest pitcher of his generation. But.... he's never been the "go to guy" who will win the big one for you. He has two rings from NY but look how he performed in those post seasons. If he had gone back to the AL, with the designated hitter, for Boston or New York and carried either team through to a World Series championship he would have forever erased the only question mark against him. But in all fairness, that's too much to ask from a mere mortal.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

He's Going The Distance

John Kerry is still fighting the swift boat vets. Hell, I'll give him credit he's been on the same side of this issue since the last election, that's got to be a personal best for him.

No trophy, no flowers, no flash bulbs, no wine.
He's haunted by something he cannot define.
Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse,
Assail him, impale him with monster truck force.
In his mind he's still driving, still making the grade.
She's hoping in time that her memories will fade,
Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.
The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup.
But he's striving and driving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Memorial Day

As a veteran of the most meager credentials imaginable, think Michael Dukakis here, I have a special appreciation for those who have died in service to our nation. The Medal of Honor recipient posthumously decorated, the replacement soldier killed in his first action, the negro soldier who died fighting for the Union and his own freedom. Where would we be without their sacrifice?
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.
Is this a lie? Some would have us believe so. On Memorial Day I think it's only fitting to remember the men and women who have given their lives in service to our country. It's fitting to think of the orphaned child, widow and bereaved parent who may be comforted or feel mocked by that old Latin phrase. War is always a horrible thing. But somethings are worth fighting for. Our society, at it's best, is worth fighting and dying for and those of us removed from the battlefield owe it to those engaged in the actual fighting to ensure the promise of America is kept. We are far from perfect but we are the world's last best hope.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Edward Gorey

When she was at UConn my wife had this Edward Gorey poster on the wall of her dormitory room. I always liked it, though it's not my thing really. I think I could relate to how Neville bought it.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The U.N. In A Nutshell

The U.N. Committee Against Torture has asked that a prison in Cuba be closed. Is it a prison filled with starving librarians or men whose only "crime" is being gay? No that would take actual moral fiber, the UNCAT wants the prison at Gitmo closed. You know the air conditioned prison where the unlawful combatants are issued new Korans and new jeans because they can't fit into their old ones anymore.
Either the U.N. hates America or they are such poltroons that they dare not risk the wrath of a ten-cent blow hard like Castro. Or both. Either way, at this point they exist only as a useful litmus test to see if an individual is serious about any given issue. Let's say a horde of turtles attacks Latvia. If Senator Ironbox calls for the U.N. to help the Latvians, you know the Senator is just posturing and is secretly rooting for the turtles, because the Latvians will be lucky to get a sternly written letter from the U.N. against the shelled menace.

Free Zacarias Moussaoui!

I have a some predictions for you. Before the end of the week, you will hear or hear of, someone try to make the case that Zacarias Moussaoui should be released based on the bin Laden tape. This person will be college educated and have at least three inane bumper stickers on the back of their car. You may never see the car, but trust me they're there. There is a 75% chance this person will be a politician or a member of the press, if it is someone you know personally there is a 97% chance that this person is not self employed and a 50% chance they work for the federal, state or municipal government.

UPDATE: I thought the car was a minivan, but it's a GMC Safari. Average miles per gallon: 17. If blood=oil under the current regime, isn't this peacenik somewhat blood thirsty?

Monday, May 22, 2006


Born today May 22, 1813 in Leipzig German Composer Richard Wagner. What would Saturday mornings be without him?

Sunday, May 21, 2006

You Might Be An Idiot

Jeff Foxworthy stretched somewhat less than a modicum of talent into a career by observing certain behaviors might mean you're a redneck. As news unfold it occurs to me that a lot of people might be idiots:
New Orleans Reelects Ray Nagin. The sad part is that he may well be the best man The Big Sleazy has to offer. At least Nero could play the fiddle and had the good sense to kill himself. Accountability matters and this guy abdicated more responsibility than a year's worth of alleged fathers on the Maury Povitch show. Since New Orleans has demonstrated that it can't be trusted with it's money and certainly not ours, can we really expect Ray "Not My Job" Nagin to rebuild all that damaged infrastructure with any accountability whatsoever? Where's Epaphroditos when you need him?
Illegal Aliens Who Use Fictitious Documentation Still Get Social Security Benefits. No doubt the illegal aliens who come here work hard, some even pay taxes and social security. But if they are indeed illegal and used spurious social security numbers why the hell should they be eligible for social security benefits? If I went to ________ and did the same thing would that country be so accommodating to me? I doubt it. It's hard to take all this b.s. about social security reform seriously when the pointy heads in Washington reward illegal behavior with our money.
Marc Ash Fake But True Defense. Marc Ash is the editor of who reported that Karl Rove was indicted for perjury. In the real world he wasn't, at least not yet. Then Mr. Ash issues this mealy mouthed weaselfication:

On Saturday afternoon, May 13, 2006, TruthOut ran a story titled, "Karl Rove Indicted on Charges of Perjury, Lying to Investigators." The story stated in part that top Bush aide Karl Rove had earlier that day been indicted on the charges set forth in the story's title. The time has now come, however, to issue a partial apology to our readership for this story. While we paid very careful attention to the sourcing on this story, we erred in getting too far out in front of the news-cycle. In moving as quickly as we did, we caused more confusion than clarity. And that was a disservice to our readership and we regret it. As such, we will be taking the wait-and-see approach for the time being. We will keep you posted.

This from a group self titled Hey Ash get yourself a tin foil hat and STFU already. It's one thing to be wrong, we all are from time to time, it's quite another to persist in error and pretend to - I'm not even sure what he's trying to pretend, but so far he's wrong and doesn't have the grapes to admit it.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Iran to Identify Religious Minorities

Not again? Iran plans to require religious minorities to wear colored ribbons on the front of their clothes so that they can be easily identified. What good can possibly come from this? If this reminds the astute reader of some ugly business which occurred all over Europe during the middle of the last century, your not alone. When informed of the plan, Australian Prime Minister John Howard said "If that is true I would find that totally repugnant. It obviously echoes the most horrible period of genocide in the world's history -- the marking of Jewish people with a mark on their clothing by the Nazis." If you dig a little deeper you will find that the Nazis were imitating the Islamic conquerors of Iran from 642 A.D.
The battle of Nehavend in 642 A.D. and the defeat of the Sassanid by Arab-Muslims ended the independence of Persia after nearly 12 centuries and it became a part of the Arab-Islamic entity. The Umayyad and Abbasid caliphs of Damascus and Baghdad controlled Persia. Arabic words infiltrated the Persian language, and Islam replaced Zorastrianism as the state religion. These changes had a profound impact on the many religious minorities within Persia. Through a covenant of Omar (a Sunni Muslim leader), non-Muslims were deprived of social and political equality, and became, in effect, second-class citizens. Jews were made to wear a yellow ribbon on their arms and Christians a blue ribbon to distinguish them from Muslims. Professor Amnon Netzer of the Hebrew University in Jerusalem told RFE/RL that the yellow patch as a distinctive mark for Iranian Jews reappeared a number of times through Iranian history, most recently at the beginning of the 20th century.


Let's say we build a great wall on our southern border, what are the chances that the majority of the construction crews building it will be illegal aliens? Just wondering.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Shaving Cream, Poster Paint, 4 Year Old Boy

Of all our children, Des is the neat one. I wonder if he liked making this mess?

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Jack Kerouac's "The Mexican Girl"

When the sun came out red through the clouds of my last valley afternoon, Terry led me to Farmer Heffelfinger's barn. Farmer Heffelfinger had a prosperous farm up the road. We put crates together, she brought blankets from the house, and I was all set except for a great hairy tarantula that lurked at the pinpoint top of the barn roof. Terry said it wouldn't harm me if I didn't bother it. I lay on my back and stared at it. I went out to the cemetery and climbed a tree. In the tree I sang "Blue Skies." Terry and Johnny sat in the grass; we had grapes. In California you chew the juice out of grapes and spit the skin away, a real luxury. Nightfall came. Terry went home for supper and came to the barn at nine o'clock with delicious tortillas and mashed beans. I lit a wood fire on the cement floor of the barn to make light. We made love on the crates. Terry got up and cut right back to the shack. Her father was yelling at her.; I could hear him from the barn. She'd left me a cape to keep warm; I threw it over my shoulder and skulked through the moonlit vineyard to see what was going on. I crept to the end of a row and knelt in the warm dirt. Her five brothers were singing melodious songs in Spanish. The stars bent over the little roof; smoke poked from the stovepipe chimney. I smelled mashed beans and chili. The old man growled. The brothers kept right on yodeling. The mother was silent. Johnny and the kids were giggling in the bedroom. A California home; I hid in the grapevines, digging it all. I felt like a million dollars; I was adventuring in the crazy American night.

Jack Kerouac at his worst is like me at my best, which is to say not so good. But at his best I find him unforgettable and poetic.
The bus arrived in Hollywood. In the gray, dirty dawn, like the dawn when Joel McCrea met Veronica Lake in a diner, in the picture Sullivan's Travels, she slept in my lap. I looked greedily out tine window: stucco houses and palms and drive-ins, the whole mad thing, the ragged promised land, the fantastic end of America. We got off the bus at Main Street, which was no different from where you get off a bus in Kansas City or Chicago or Boston-red brick, dirty, characters drifting by, trolleys grating in the hopeless dawn, the whorey smell of a big city.

Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka

Today, May 17, 1954 the SCOTUS ended segregation in schools. The justices in their wisdom found that separate wasn't all that equal and therefor violated the 14th amendment to the Constitution which states:

Amendment XIV
Section 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

When people ask me why I care about things political or why I get my shorts in knot over Islamic fundamentalism, it is because of the Fourteenth Amendment. Supposedly, you, me, the Kennedys, and the drug addled wino sleeping in the park (also a Kennedy) are all equal before the law. In practice it doesn't always work that way, but we try. Under Islamic law you and I are tolerated if we pay a special tax, but have less rights than a faithful Muslim. Equality before the law is a concept worth defending. Just ask Taylor Strauder a black man who was convicted of murder by an all white jury in 1874 West Virginia because back then you had to be white to be on a jury. The SCOTUS reversed the conviction finding that the state had withheld equal protection from him due to his race.
Why the unborn continue to be harvested at will, in clear violation of the equal protection clause, is beyond me.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Morgellons Part Two

A reader who replied to my entry on Morgellens Disease has started a blog on the subject. Check it out if you are interested, it makes for some fascinating reading.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

What The Hell Is Going On In Florida?

SALT SPRINGS -- A day after human arms were found in the belly of an alligator caught by wildlife officers, family members had to pull a 23-year-old woman from the mouth of a gator near Lake George and another woman's body found in a canal showed the telltale bite marks of the third apparent gator attack in less than a week.

Read the whole thing.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Weird Disease of The Month: Morgellons Disease

This bizarre affliction was brought to my attention by a link on The Drudge Report. I'm not convinced it's altogether a real disease because I did a search on the CDC website and nothing popped up. There are no shortage of web sites that are dedicated to it though, try a google search and you'll see what I mean.
People with Morgellons Disease feel like their skin is crawling with bugs and have lesions that don't heal with multicolored fibers that autofluoresce growing out of them. Nifty huh?

Friday, May 12, 2006

Arlington National Cemetery

Opened on May 13, 1864 on land confiscated from Robert E. Lee. If you never been there, you should go, it's a beautiful, hallowed place. I have a special affinity for Arlington National Cemetery, because in a quiet grove of trees, with a view of where Flight 77 hit the Pentagon, lies the cremains of my mother. My mom was buried there because my father was a career Army Air Corps/Air Force veteran, who due to his service is eligible for interment.
Most of the headstones at Arlington are nearly identical government issued white marble like the ones above. The General and the Private each the same in death. On each an emblem reflecting the religious beliefs of the fallen. I have seen lots of crosses of various denominations and occasional star of David and curiously a good amount of Angels of Moroni.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Happy Birthday Yogi!

Lawrence Peter Berra, born May 12, 1925 in Saint Louis Missouri. Everybody pair off in threes to celebrate!
I've always liked Yogi. Once I had to wait in my dentist's office for a hour or so where I read Yogi's autobiography. Unlike a lot of the players of today he seems so humble and appreciative of all that baseball did for him. A D-Day veteran and all around good guy he has some impressive stats as a player, such as calling Don Larson's perfect game in the 1956 World Series, about which he remarked "It's never happened in World Series history, and it hasn't happened since."

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

You Can't Keep A Good Man Down

Interesting story about Asians displaced from Uganda over at TCS Daily:

Immediately after he pulled off his '72 coup against President Oboto in Uganda, strongman Idi Amin -- full title: His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular (and also, curiously, King of Scotland) --decreed Africa should be for Africans. One of his first decisions as lord of beasts and fishes was to eject all the Asians -- some 40,000 or so, who were third generation descendants of Indians who had come to work for the British colonial administration during the days of Empire and who, when the British Empire was dissolved, created commercial enterprises.
Read the whole thing.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Red Sox 14 Yankees 3

A-Rod boots one.

Mongol General: We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?
Mongolian trainee: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!
Mongol General: That is good

Saudi Arabia, Cuba and China on U.N. Rights Council

Sleep well, Saudi Arabia, Cuba, Russia and China are on the job watching Human Rights worldwide on the newly formed U.N. Human Rights Council. As long as you're not a Jew, Christian, Hindu, Animist, homosexual, intellectual, librarian, blogger, woman, author or genuine human rights activist you have nothing to worry about. That's the bad news, the good news is that it's the U.N. so nothing will come of it anyway.

Immigration Redux

Immigrant rights groups are banding together to register an additional million voters this spring and summer. Since these groups are somewhat casual about immigration law can we expect them to respect voter registration procedures? Viva La Reconquista!!!

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

Yahoo news headline: U.S. Newborn Survival Rate Ranks Low. How the hell can this be true? First, consider the source, Save The Children. While I'm sure they're a fine organization, I don't think you will ever hear them say "Everything is great - send your hard earned money to The American Cancer Society". Secondly, statistics can say anything you want them to. I suspect that in the U.S. heroic efforts are made to save severely ill and premature children and when these efforts fail we include the deaths of these infants in our mortality data. In other countries advanced in utero surgery may not be available and when these children die, they may not include them in their statistics. Finally if you break down the statistics by race and income, we compare favorably to any other nation for like statistics.
You have probably heard how dangerous guns are to "children" because gun control groups are always bemoaning our gun happy society. What you don't know, is that to them anyone between conception and 21 is considered a child. If you consider only people under the age of 18 the numbers drop of wildly, but that doesn't make good ink. Again, if you break things down by race and sex, an 8 year old white girl is much more likely to die in the family swimming pool than by gun violence, how many parents are aware of this?
Bottom line, before you get your shorts in a knot over a sensational news story, consider the source, know and understand how the data to support the news story was collected.


Zacarias Moussaoui's request for a new trial has been denied. Prediction: Since he's a French citizen he will now ask the French government to intervene on his behalf. If we allow this sort of nonsense to interfere with our "war on terror" we deserve what we have coming to us. So far I have no problem with the way our justice system worked, I just wish this loser was tried by a military tribunal, if this is indeed a war. Imagine if we had captured a Japanese pilot January 7, 1942. Would we have tried him in civilian court?

Monday, May 08, 2006

No. We'll See You After Six Life Sentences

His no dhimmi, but he is dim. America's favorite jihadi Zacarias Moussaoui has tried to withdraw his guilty plea. I told you he didn't have the grapes to spend the rest of his pointless life in a super-max prison, now he's trying to weasel out of it by recanting.
I was glad that we didn't allow the coelenterate the opportunity to become a martyr for whatever cause he had festering in his little pointy head, but if he's going to be a pain in the ass about the whole thing perhaps the court should recant it's leniency and strap him in for a juicy spike or two.

ESPN And Barry Bonds

Now that Barry Bonds is one home run away from tying the Babes record of 714 home runs, the bobble heads at ESPN babble on and on about this accomplishment with out once mentioning the steroid controversy. What the hell? Does Disney own the San Francisco Giants too?
Look folks, it's like this: Babe Ruth is arguably the greatest and best baseball player of all time, what he accomplished he did with talent and drive. Barry Bonds is gifted player, but we will never know just how gifted because he chose to use performance enhancing drugs. Was he the only one? Certainly not, but just as certain is that Babe Ruth had never heard of the term steroid, so it's plainly unfair to compare the two men's accomplishments. It's a sad thing to say, but at this point the burden of proof is on Barry Bonds to refute the claims of his drug use.

Saturday, May 06, 2006


As a nation of immigrants everybody seems reticent to put the brakes on immigration. I think that the vast majority of immigrants want to come here be Americans and have a better life, but there exists a troubling minority who want to live here but do not share our values. That's all well and good, the whole world needn't agree with religious tolerance and representative government, but they should stay the hell in Goathumpistan where they belong.
I love to know who is organized the massive pro immigrant rallies across the country. Do you think these organizers love America and American values? I shocks me to find that organized labor is in favor of unchecked immigration. I can't think of anything more damaging to labor than an endless supply of cheap supply of non union workers. The first thing we should do before attempting any immigration reform is make it mandatory to prove citizenship in order to vote. If nothing else the gigantic pro immigration rallies prove that these groups are organized and since we don't have the balls to ask people to prove their franchise we will all be euchred out of ours.

Life Insurance

What could possibly be less interesting than life insurance? Lamps? Stationary? Work? I have always had some life insurance, $50,000.00, just enough to bury me and pay off my wife's student loans. Now that we have three young children I needed to get more. So I called Ned Ryerson and bought three additional policies, one for $250,000 that pays my business partner, and two for my family, one for $250,000.00 and another for $500,000.00. So it's official, I'm worth much more dead than I am alive. You would be shocked at how many people don't have any life insurance at all. If you're single with no kids I wouldn't worry about it too much, but if there is anyone in your life who depends on you, go get yourself some insurance. I know I felt kind of good knowing that if something bad were to happen to me, God forbid, my wife and kids would be taken care of.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Patrick Kennedy

I would be easy to crack wise about this story, but oddly enough I feel bad for the man. If anyone had the addiction deck stacked against him, it would be the son of Joan and Teddy Kennedy.

Thursday, May 04, 2006



Fear of studying, specifically fear of studying at the Homer D. Babbidge Library at the University of Connecticut at Storrs, UCONN. Less frequently used to describe a person who purports to be well read, but who in fact has never read the classics and reads nothing but modern cheesy novels.
Fern: Chris follows Liz everywhere but the library.
Dave: Yeah that homerphobic dumbass will be lucky if he gets a 2.0 GPA.
Dexter didn’t believe me when I told him Duckman’s son was named after a character in the Iliad, proving him to be a complete homerphobe.

Life Is Unfair

Stephen Bixler a 20 year old Marine and former Eagle Scout from Suffield, CT was killed Wednesday in Fallujah while on foot patrol. This was his second tour of duty in Iraq, according to the Hartford Courant:
There is something fundamentally amiss in this world when a good kid like this lies dead while that waste of human flesh Zacarias Moussaoui thumbs his nose at our judicial system. I think our system worked, it just bothers me that his case was treated as a criminal matter to begin with. I doubt that Moussaoui would be so jocund and indecorous if met on equal terms in the street by a 20 year old former Eagle Scout and fallen Marine from Suffield.

I Knew There Was Something Wrong With This Place

From the Hartford Courant:

HAMDEN, Conn. -- Connecticut is definitely the geographical dividing line for one of the oldest and most bitter rivalries in Major League Baseball - the Yankees and the Red Sox. A Quinnipiac University poll released Thursday found that overall, Connecticut people prefer the Bronx Bombers over Boston.
The poll found that 42 percent of those surveyed are Yankees fans, 35 percent are Red Sox fans and 12 percent support the Mets. In a breakdown by county, the Yankees are the big favorite in Fairfield County while the Red Sox rule in Hartford, Tolland, Windham and New London counties.

See Florence Then Die

It looks like Zacarias Moussaoui gets to spend his final years in Florence, Colorado's Supermax Federal Correctional Complex. Good for him. In a previous post I suggested that Moussaoui might get a nightmare for a cell mate, but he won't be seeing much of anyone other than prison guards. I'm sure they will provide him with all the nurturing and milk of human kindness he so richly deserves. Here's what he has to look forward too:

ADX Florence is generally home to between 400 and 500 male prisoners. About 22 percent of inmates have killed fellow prisoners in other correctional facilities; 35 percent have attempted to attack other prisoners or guards. As a result, most individuals are kept for at least 23 hours each day in solitary confinement. They are housed in a 7-by-12 foot (3.5-by-2 meter) soundproofed room, built behind a steel door and grate. The remaining free hour is spent exercising alone in a separate concrete chamber. Prisoners rarely see each other, and inmates' only human interaction is limited to that of the prison guards. Religious services are broad casted in from a small chapel.
The cells are 60 feet below ground.

Most cells' furniture is made almost entirely out of poured concrete, including a desk, stool, and bed covered by a thin mattress. Each chamber contains a toilet that shuts off if plugged, a shower that runs on a timer to prevent flooding, and a sink missing a potentially dangerous tap. Rooms may also be fitted with polished steel mirrors bolted to the wall, an electric light, and a 13-inch black and white television, and a cigarette lighter. Windows in rooms are small, set high up in the wall, and point towards the sky, confusing the prisoner as to his specific location within the complex.
The prison as a whole contains countless motion detectors and cameras, 1,400 remote-controlled steel doors, and 12 foot high razor wire fences. Laser beams, pressure pads, and attack dogs guard the area between the prison walls and razor wire. Built into the side of a mountain, visitors and prisoners enter through a heavily-guarded tunnel.

Many have argued that the psychological effects of long-term solitary confinement can be devastating. Prisoners may suffer from hallucinations, anxiety, problems with impulse control, and self-mutilation. In addition, confinement may encourage anger and rage, resulting in further violence. Depression may set in, with prisoners becoming extremely lethargic, losing memory, and refusing to exercise.
Psychologists testifying in cases regarding solitary confinement have suggested that prisons could more reliably manage inmate behaviour were they to concentrate on fulfilling prisoner needs, rather than building oppressive controls.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Zacarias Moussaoui

Zacarias Moussaoui has been sentenced to life in prison for his role in the September 11 terrorist attacks. Even though this deluded Jihadi deserves to die by syphilitic flea bites, I am glad his life was spared. Here's why:
  1. It stands as a sharp contrast to our murderous adversaries who would execute a Christian convert for apostasy or a rape victim for adultery. We suffer the guilty to live, is that a weakness or a strength?
  2. This numb nuts wants to die valiantly for his cause, let's see if he has the grapes to live humbly for it in the federal pen, day after endless day. I bet he doesn't.
  3. I wonder if somewhere in the Middle East or closer to home if there is an Al Queda handler who is concerned with what Moussaoui might say over the next 40 years.
  4. Luke warm Spam sandwiches on stale Wonder bread 3 times a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year for forty years.
  5. The most inexpensive TP made with the highest wood pulp content allowed and a seat refrigerated to a constant 52 degrees.
  6. A 6 foot 8 300 pound cell mate afflicted with a multiple personality disorder, (unfortunately for Moussaoui they're Charlie Moore, Al Franken, Hillary Clinton, Andy Rooney, Tony Little, Joseph Mengele and the cast of Dharma and Greg), flatulence, pyromania, priapism, sadism and Tourettes Syndrome.

We are all sentenced to death, over the next several years you and I can choose to have an impact on how world events turn out. Moussaoui can't take a whizz without some guards say so for the rest of his pointless life.

Bonds, Ruth & Aaron

Call me a cynic, but I can't see the comparison. The Babe beloved by all, icon of all that is great about baseball, purported cause of a recently broken curse. Hank Aaron also beloved, last Negro League player to play in MLB and holds the all time record for home runs, total bases, extra-base hits and RBI. Bonds has his fans, but despite huge God given talent, he has become the symbol of all that is wrong with baseball. When Bonds eclipses Ruth's record, and perhaps Hank Aaron's, it will be a sad day in Mudville. Why? Because the only spikes Aaron and Ruth used were on their feet.

Oozinator: What Were They Thinking?

More importantly what issues were they trying to work out. Check that, I don't want to know.
UPDATE: No this is not a joke, look it up. Fact is indeed stranger than fiction.

Cinderella Man

An excellent film. Russell Crowe, according to the tabloids, may be a churlish tool in real life but on the screen he's one of the best actors working today. There are no surprises, like a Greek tragedy you've seen a dozen times, this story is familiar. The everyman boxer hits the skids, then does well because he's a decent guy with a lot of heart, the long suffering wife who loves her man but can't bear to see him fight, etc. It's been said that Casablanca works because it's one cliche after another. Cinderella Man works the same way. It's supposedly based on the true story of James Braddock, but I suspect profound liberties were taken to increase the narrative flow and dramatic impact. Most notably the director Ron "Opie" Howard made Max Baer a vicious, murderous, womanizing bastard. While this may have helped the story, it's not true. Max Baer did kill a guy or two in the ring, but according to his son Max "Jethro" Baer Jr. he had nightmares about it for the rest of his life. He also put the dead boxers kids through college. In the limited time of a movie you only have time to tell the story of one decent guy and it helps if he's opposed by a bastard. Rent it, buy it, see it, you probably won't regret it.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Best Commercial Ever?

You must check this out.


Match this picture to the appropriate Cars Song:

A. Good Times Roll

B. Just What I Needed

C. Best Friends Girlfriend

D. Moving In Stereo

E. Since You're Gone

Prediction: If you're a male born between 1960 and 1975 you will probably get this one right.

Bonus: Name the movie whence this reference comes.

Answers. Highlight to see.
D and Fast Times at Ridgemont High

N.Y. Who's Your Papi?

Red Sox 7 Yankees 3

I hate it when Sox fans chant "Yankees Suck". It's especially stupid when they do it while playing a different team, so shut the hell up you drunk southy bastages. Let's get this straight, the Yankees are a first class organization. Derek Jeter is a great athlete and seems to be a decent guy. Joe Torre is one of the classiest men in the game. Sure A-Rod and Gary Sheffield are questionable, and Judas Damon is a wallet sniffing whore, but on the whole they're not a bad group of guys. To me the Yankees are lot like the Grateful Dead, if it wasn't for their fans you could almost stand them. I for one appreciate having such a tough team as our perennial arch nemesis. Wouldn't it suck if the Brewers were your team's greatest rival?

You're Dead To Me John

"I know that money corrupts … I would rather have a clean government than one where, quote, First Amendment rights are being respected, that has become corrupt. If I had my choice, I’d rather have the clean government.”

Senator John McCain, R. Arizona

I used to like and respect John McCain, but any man who believes that a "clean" government is more important than the first amendment is not fit to hold office. Don't run John. Don't run for senate and don't run for president. You have served your country admirably but somehow you've come to believe that you are more important than our constitution.