- Jessica Alba will no longer wear revealing outfits in feature films, she will now lecture on Sylvia Plath poetry at our nation's women's colleges.
- The John Deere company has engaged legendary auto designer Enzo Ferrari to design their new, entry level farm tractor. Enzo says he looks forward to working in green and cast iron.
- Stephen Hawking will now be the starting center for the Miami Heat. Shaquille O'Neal will now try to explain the origins of the universe.
- Al Gore will lecture us on global warming.
- Yao Ming has left the NBA and entered a apprentice jockey program at Churchill Downs.
- David Hasselhoff and Alec Baldwin are co-authoring a book on parenting.
- Hillary Clinton has given up the trappings of power and is giving charm lessons at Vassar.
- Rosy O'Donnell fresh from the View, will now lecture on Physics at MIT.
If these uses of manpower sound silly, imagine reassigning a man who writes engagingly about visits to Target with his daughter to write about bond issues. While I'm sure Lileks can do it, even if he's disinclined to, why would you?