Real Genius: Gary Larson and The Far Side

The term genius gets tossed around way too flippantly these days. The bugg eyed, idiot kid who can beat out tunes for dancing bears on an upended five gallon bucket is routinely hailed as the next Mozart. Madonna has been called a genius, at what exactly I never cared to find out. That Jarvik guy is pretty bright and Stephen Hawking may well be a genius, but who among you can say the read and understand anything he has written? Then there is Gary Larson, creator of the Far Side. There is something uniquely ingenious about a Far Side cartoon. First of all, the drawings couldn't be simpler, just enough to convey the scene. You remember things like:

• The two spiders on the web, one has a bag over his head the other has a stream of silk hanging from him.
• The kid in bed and his father is trying to get him to quiet down, the kids mother is below holding the string of a balloon with a scary face.
• The four idiots looking at a half glass of water.
• The entomologist laying dead on his back his arms and legs curled above him.
• Two giant polar bears talking over the bitten in roof of an igloo.
• The kid, specifically the far side kid pushing on a door that says pull.

The drawing is there to set up the scene, the caption is usually the punchline.

• Bob did I scare you or what?
• Billy are you going to sleep or do I have to stamp my foot three times and summon the floating head of death?
• Half full. Half empty. Half full, no half empty, wait what was the question? Where's my cheeseburger?
• How entomologists die.
• I like the chewy centers!
• Exception: a sign in the art says "Midvale school for the gifted".

I haven't seen a Far Side book or calender since my mom, God rest her soul, passed away. Every year she would send me one for Christmas, but I still remember them. Can anyone remember a ______ from last Thursday? Most other cartoons if they are particularly funny that day might, might mind you, get a chuckle. Some are as about as funny as a gut full of pin worms, i.e. Garfield, The Family Circus, Cathy, Andy Capp, The Peanuts, Blondie, Hi & Lois, Funkie Winkerbean, Momma, Tumbleweeds, etc..

The Banality of Evil

Wretchard comments on the story linked to below by the Dude (Can this be true?)

...One of the reasons Armies were invented, with their uniforms, insignia and badges; with their elaborate rituals and insistence on discipline is not, as some have ignorantly argued, to gratify some fantasy to play out a boy's adventure story. This machinery was created from the necessity to keep armed young men, recruited from all walks of life, often far from direct supervision, inured to violence and frequently stressed beyond normal endurance from going off the deep end. Yon's story reminds me of one I have frequently told. I met a veteran of the Second World War who told me that he entered the Bayview Hotel on TM Kalaw Street in Manila just after the US Army had driven the Japanese from it. This hotel was about three hundred yards from the location of the current US Embassy. And in it, the Filipino veteran found the walls smeared with the jelly of hundreds of human eyeballs. As a child my uncles had told me about how the Japanese, in the last extremity of despair had kidnapped thousands of young women and gang-raped them before killing them horribly. What the veteran described was one of the places it had happened, at the Bayview Hotel...

I had no doubts whatsoever about the Bayview Hotel story. And even though I don't know for a fact whether the al-Qaeda baked an 11 year old boy and served the carcass to his family, I have no doubt that it could happen. If the Japanese can do it, the Arab can. There but for discipline, culture and force of habit can go anyone at all...

Read it all.

Yet Another iPhone Review

Yet another iPhone review From A Pointless Waste of Time:

Usually I can find ways to avoid Mac users in my day to day life. Not anymore. Soon, everybody who owns a cellphone is going to be a Mac user, thanks to Apple's latest "innovation", the iPhone. And just like its portable audio predecessor, the iPod, I predict that people will be rendered incapable of referring to the device in generic terms. I promise you, I'm going to fly-kick the first person who tells me they're going to whip out their iPhone and give me an iCall.

Zaphod won't like it, but I still think it's pretty funny.

Live Earth 07/07/2007

Throwing a gigantic 24 hour international concert to "raise awareness" about environmental issues is just plain asinine. Forget the preaching to the choir aspect of it, if these people really believe that global warming is killing the planet, why do they waste resources and pollute Gaea so recklessly? Because they are chock-full-of shit ass-hats that's why.
So without further blathering, here are the top five pointless gestures to raise awareness or what have you.

1. A twenty four hour drive by shooting marathon to raise awareness about urban violence and hybrid vehicles.
2. The US Army's new, super high tech, twelve million dollar, web based podcast to recruit the Amish.
3. Nathan's Hot dogs sponsors a hot dog eating contest to raise awareness about bulimia and animal rights.
4. A worldwide ticker tape parade to raise awareness about profligate littering and pointless gestures.
5. Barbara Streisand tours the world in a private jet and chauffeured limousines, owns several homes, comprising of at least 80,000 square feet of heated and air conditioned living space, makes her living selling plastic discs double wrapped in two different types of plastic that require yet more energy to use, but she's coming to your town tomorrow for $175 a seat to tell you how you should live if you want to save the environment. (This one isn't fiction.)

Kim du Toit Shares His Love of iPhones

Okay, so you buy this magical new appliance with which you are going to run your entire life, communicate with others, communicate on the Intarweb, listen to music, live by the built-in calendar/scheduler… ...until the batteries run down.

Read the whole thing, it's kind of funny.

Movie Review: The Cider House Rules

The Cider House Rules is, as you probably know, a pretty good movie. Well acted, well shot, an overall "A" effort from Hollywood. It's also unrelentingly anti-Christian and pro abortion.
For those of you unfamiliar with the story, The Cider House Rules is about a doctor, played by the always excellent Michael Caine, who runs an orphanage in Maine. He's a kind man who comes from a difficult background, who provides a loving home for his wards. He also performs abortions. His protege and "work of art" is an adult orphan, played by Tobey Maguire, who is skilled at delivering children and learned how to perform abortions, although initially he doesn't like to.
The whole story is set up to present the pro-abortion side of the argument. The doctor, voiced by Caine, gets to eloquently present his position, Maguire's character more or less feebly opposes it because? We're not exactly sure why he opposes it, other than the fact the he was an unwanted child himself. That's about the closest thing you get to a pro-life argument. There is a scene when the doctor is riding in a truck with Maguire and another orphan and he's saying why abortion is necessary, Maquire points out that he and the other kid wouldn't be there if their moms had had the chance to abort them.
That, in a malformed, rather verbose nutshell is my problem with the film; it doesn't honestly try to portray both sides of the issue. Had it done so, I think it would have been a much better movie.
SPOILERS BELOW
The title of the film comes from a set of rules posted on the interior of the apple picker's house that tell cider makers how to act. They resent these outsider, boss-man made rules and feel they are insulting and in due course, ignore them. There is some dialogue about how people make their own rules everyday, blah-a-dee-blah-effin-blah. I might be more sympathetic to the those who would make their own rules, except that Mr. Rose, very well played by Delroy Lindo, the main proponent of rule breaking, is guilty of fathering a child with his own daughter, then assists in the abortion of his child-grandchild, gets knifed by that daughter and then commits suicide, more or less. Call me simplistic, but I think this man could use some moral guidance. Five word review: Moral bankruptcy posing as virtue.

Can This Be True? More from Michael Yon

Speaking through an American interpreter, Lieutenant David Wallach who is a native Arabic speaker, the Iraqi official related how al Qaeda united these gangs who then became absorbed into “al Qaeda.” They recruited boys born during the years 1991, 92 and 93 who were each given weapons, including pistols, a bicycle and a phone (with phone cards paid) and a salary of $100 per month, all courtesy of al Qaeda. These boys were used for kidnapping, torturing and murdering people.
At first, he said, they would only target Shia, but over time the new al Qaeda directed attacks against Sunni, and then anyone who thought differently. The official reported that on a couple of occasions in Baqubah, al Qaeda invited to lunch families they wanted to convert to their way of thinking. In each instance, the family had a boy, he said, who was about 11 years old. As LT David Wallach interpreted the man’s words, I saw Wallach go blank and silent. He stopped interpreting for a moment. I asked Wallach, “What did he say?” Wallach said that at these luncheons, the families were sat down to eat. And then their boy was brought in with his mouth stuffed. The boy had been baked. Al Qaeda served the boy to his family.

I have a fairly vivid imagination and I'm not easily nauseated, but can this possibly be true?

Happy 231st Birthday Beautiful

"Societies exist under three forms, sufficiently distinguishable. 1. Without government, as among our Indians. 2. Under governments, wherein the will of everyone has a just influence; as is the case in England, in a slight degree, and in our States, in a great one. 3. Under governments of force; as is the case in all other monarchies, and in most of the other republics. To have an idea of the curse of existence under these last, they must be seen. It is a government of wolves over sheep. It is a problem not clear in my mind that the first condition is not the best. But I believe it to be inconsistent with any great degree of population. The second state has a great deal of good in it. The mass of mankind under that, enjoys a precious degree of liberty and happiness. It has its evils, too; the principal of which is the turbulence to which it is subject.
But weigh this against the oppressions of monarchy, and it becomes nothing."
--Thomas Jefferson to James Madison, 1787

Pardon Scooter Libby

I strongly believe that the GWB should pardon Scooter Libby. A complete, unconditional pardon. I could give you several good reasons to do this, but I lost interest in the whys and wherefores a long time ago. The President should do it, neigh, must do it for one all important reason: it causes liberals to go further insane. If you thought the rank and file pinko had bush derangement syndrome before, you should hear them now. Their plaintive whines and howls of injustice are exquisite. Better yet we get to listen to them try to explain how Bill Clinton's rash of questionable pardons were somehow different, somehow better. Hmmmm, delicious.

Prediction: The president will wait until HRC is the nominee and then pardon Libby fully. The subsequent discussion of pardons and presidential privilege and how Bill Clinton pardoned everybody except the Rosenbergs on his way out of the oval office will not play well for Hillary.

Frivolous, Ridiculous Law Suit

WASHINGTON (AFP) - The mother of a US man whose 2006 execution took 86 minutes and involved sticking needles into him 19 times has sued the prison team which oversaw the execution for civil rights violations.
On Monday Irma Clark filed suit in the Cincinnati, Ohio, district court, alleging her son Joseph Clark was exposed to "excessive suffering" violating the US constitution when he was put to death on May 2, 2006, at a state prison in Lucasville, Ohio,
according to court documents.

Fair enough, so long as the victim(s) of Joseph Clark get any proceeds resulting from this law suit. I doubt they had a pleasant time getting murdered either. Maybe we should counter sue Irma and Clark's father for raising a murderous drug addict? Or would that be vindictive?

I despise the faux humanitarianism of lethal injection, perfectly symbolized by the quick wipe with an alcohol swab and a sterile needle filled with deadly poison. A more honest and appropriate approach would be to put the condemned in wooden chair, pin a target over his/her heart and shoot them dead. Barbaric? It sure is, but it's also unquestionably effective and more reflective of the general idea of killing someone.

Michael Yon on the Ground in Iraq

While we enjoy baseball, iced coffee and all the other benefits of our society, like religious tolerance, rule of law, equal protection under that law and political moderation, Michael Yon describes the gruesome discoveries on and below the ground in Iraq. The descriptions and pictures are not for the squeamish, so be warned, but you should read what he has to say and see what he has to show.

Big hat tip to the corner at NRO.

Baseball: Sox n' Rangers, Pettitte Gets Shelled

Julian Tavares, the fifth Red Sox starter, has pitched damn well this season, damn well, which has been one of those pleasant surprises, like Mike Lowell coming alive offensively. Today Tavares lost after giving up two measly runs to the Texas Rangers. I'm not sure what parallel universe we've stumbled into here, but apparently it's one where the Texas Rangers can win two games in a row against the Red Sox by out pitching us. Scary.

While it sucks that the Sox have lost two in a row, I take great consolation in the desperation of the Yankees and more importantly their fans. Andy Pettitte gave up eight runs today against Oakland and was Yanked in the second inning. Ouch. I'm shocked the Yankees haven't had a major shake up considering they've been performing. Yesterday on YES Johny Judas was nearly in tears trying to explain their failure to win, Derek Jeter was trying to explain why they've been struggling as did Jorge Posada, each failed at that too. The bottom line is that with, by far, the biggest payroll in the game, the Yankees have a bunch of players who are overpaid and under performing. I almost hate to admit this, but it's more fun when the Sox and Yanks are neck and neck and every game means something. The Sox being the Sox and the Yanks being the Yanks, this can still happen before the end of the year so I'm not complaining about an eleven game lead at the All Star break.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Won't Be Buying an IPhone

1. There's Steve McQueen cool and geek cool. One is something to be emulated the other is something to be avoided.
2. I wouldn't wait on line for 12 hours for something I needed, never mind a $500 toy.
3. Call me cynical, but why would I buy a $500 phone and a $2000 service plan that forces me to use AT&T?
4. I feel no overwhelming need to play music or videos and web browse from my cell phone.
5. It's kind of big, 4.5 inches, does it come with it's Iutilitybelt?
6. Steve Jobs is not Satan, but he regularly has lunch with him.
7. The Iphone battery is sealed inside it's case, will this matter long term?
8. First generation stuff is often twitchy, even from Apple.
9. Getting back to the cool thing, it just isn't "cool" cool, it's more like Eddie Murphy saying "awesome" in Bowfinger cool.
10. It doesn't come with matching pocket protector, although it should.

Nikola Tesla, A Man Before His Time

"As soon as [the Wardenclyffe facility is] completed, it will be possible for a business man in New York to dictate instructions, and have them instantly appear in type at his office in London or elsewhere. He will be able to call up, from his desk, and talk to any telephone subscriber on the globe, without any change whatever in the existing equipment. An inexpensive instrument, not bigger than a watch, will enable its bearer to hear anywhere, on sea or land, music or song, the speech of a political leader, the address of an eminent man of science, or the sermon of an eloquent clergyman, delivered in some other place, however distant. In the same manner any picture, character, drawing, or print can be transferred from one to another place ..."

Nikola Tesla, "The Future of the Wireless Art", Wireless Telegraphy and Telephony, 1908, pg. 67-71.

October 1988

Indian summer in Boston and I'm still in the military. I’m hungover, dehydrated and grateful for the little dignities life has to offer. A clean, quiet, Greek diner that serves breakfast all day.

It had been a long and unremarkable night and I needed food, water, aspirin and cool place to sit for awhile. The diner was empty except for the owner who looked me over as I sat in one of the booths. I ordered two poached eggs, rye toast, iced coffee and large glass of ice water. The owner said he didn’t have any aspirin, he may have been lying.

When your tight and hungry, you can eat in the greasiest of spoons, but when your hungover neatness counts. I went into the men’s room and washed my hands and face. For a hole in the wall diner they had good smelling liquid soap. When I came out my food was waiting for me and the owner had found some aspirin, he dumped three into the cap and then into my hand. I placed them on the paper napkin next to my plate. Either his opinion of me changed or he remembered where he had stashed them. I ate and drank in silence, looking at the songs in the little jukebox they had in the booth. With food in my stomach, I swallowed the aspirin. They smelled of vinegar so they had probably been around awhile, but I hoped they would do the trick.

Winless in Seattle

The Sox have been swept in a three game series for the first time this year. Depending on how you look at it, that little nugget is at once the bad and the good news. At least I can take solace in yet another Yankee loss, shut out actually against the hapless Orioles, with Clemens getting shelled.

Ichiro Suzuki is one hell of ball player, controversial statement, I know. I wonder how many other outstanding ball players are playing in Japan? Probably not too many like him. He hits for average and for power when needed, is fast as hell on the base path, has a cannon for an arm and is clearly an avid student of the game. He'd look great in a Boston uniform.

Ann Coulter and Elizabeth Edwards

As much as it pains me, I have to come to the defense of Ann Coulter. You, my faithful reader who has nothing better to do than read this tripe, probably know that on several occasions I have lamented Coulter's capacity to make the high road low, the sensible inflammatory and make conservatism seem unattractive.
As if to prove my point, Coulter used the word "faggot" in a lame joke about John Edwards. As if to prove Coulter's point, the Edwards camp sends poor Elizabeth Edwards, riddled with inoperable cancer, out to beg Coulter to leave the Breck Boy alone. How touching.
You can see where this is going, a very sympathetic Mrs. Edwards defends her fly weight of a husband against the slings and arrows of some raging blond harpie. Anyone who dares question Mrs. Edwards' motives will be harrangued for beating up a sick woman.

Mrs. Edwards speaks of raising the dialogue. Where was she when bloggers in her husband's employ were bashing Catholics? Where are her op eds pleading with the rabid left to stop referring to the POTUS, during war, as chimp, Hitler, idiot etc? Anyone?

Here is a big F***K Y** to you tube. They removed the original Ann Coulter lame joke video, ostensibly because it clearly shows she did not call him a "faggot", yet there are innumerable videos calling Coulter everything you can imagine.

American Lefty Angers Peruvians

Cameron Diaz, Harvard PhD, Nobel Laureate and serious critical thinker, pissed off the Peruvians by prancing around Machu Picchu with a "olive green messenger bag emblazoned with a red star and the words "Serve the People" printed in Chinese on the flap, perhaps Chinese Communist leader Mao's most famous political slogan." In her defense I bet she had no clue about what the bag represented or anything else for that matter. She will probably claim this too when or if she's called to account for it. Remember this the next you hear her spout off about global warming or the IMF.

United 93 The Movie

I finally got around to seeing United 93, what a great, great film. Although it's not easy to watch particularly if you're like me and respond to such things with rage as opposed to tears. I haven't been so p.o.d by a movie since Black Hawk Down. The strength of the film is that it doesn't get in the way of the story, nor is it more violent, maudlin or dramatic than necessary.

If you haven't seen it, you should. If only to remind you that we are at war. You may not think we are or feel that we are, but then again the people killed on 9/11 didn't think so either.

A Year In The Joint

I just found out that a friend, not a close one thank God, from high school has been sentenced to a year in jail for carrying a pistol without a permit. He's in the big house up in Somers with all the rapists, murderers and drug dealers. Way to go.

You, my astute reader, may be wondering how the hell do you end up in jail for such a minor thing, there must be more to the story? I don't know the particulars of this offense but my friend has been arrested on numerous occasions, usually for something weed related. He comes from a good home, went to private schools where he was in the National Honor Society and graduated from UCONN on his parents dime, yet somehow he never quite figured out that the law is the law, not a mere suggestion.

I feel conflicted in a way because I think Jacob, not his real name, is the last person who harm anybody, yet if I guess that he's been arrested five times prior to this fiasco for different things all related to the cultivation, possession, use and sale of marijuana, I'd probably be understating it by half. What does it take for somebody to wake the hell up?

Muslim World Inflamed by Rushdie Knighthood

This is news? How about this: Muslim World Inflamed by _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

Here are some choices to fill in the blank with:

1. Fluoridated Water
2. Paul McCartney's New Album
3. Progress
4. Tolerance
5. Miss Piggy
6. Knife Proof Necks
7. Their Neighbor's Ox
8. Their Neighbor's Wife
9. Their Neighbor's Prosperity
10. Pink Floyd Album Covers

JFK and The Death of Liberalism

Over at NRO online John J. Miller interviews James Pierson on his new book Camelot and the Cultural Revolution: How the Assassination of John F. Kennedy Shattered American Liberalism. I think it's fascinating because it explains something I always suspected but never bothered to figure out, why liberals seem to hate America. Some of my best friends are liberals, really, I'm not making that up. I know they don't hate America, but they relish in every injustice, every policy screw up and view every act of human frailty as proof positive of how we've lost our way or as James Pierson puts it:

Kennedy’s assassination, happening the way it did, compromised the central assumptions of American liberalism that had been the governing philosophy of the nation since the time of the New Deal. It did this in two decisive ways: first, by compromising the faith of liberals in the future; second, by undermining their confidence in the nation. Kennedy’s assassination suggested that history is not in fact a benign process of progress and advancement, but perhaps something quite different. The thought that the nation itself was responsible for Kennedy’s death suggested that the United States, far from being a “city on a hill” and an example for mankind, as Kennedy had described it (quoting John Winthrop), was in fact something darker and more sinister in its deepest nature.

I think that is exactly right. But how did Conservatives react to the assassination of the Kennedys? Again James Pierson:

Kennedy’s assassination had little effect on the conservative movement then or thereafter. Conservatives like Bill Buckley, Russell Kirk, or Barry Goldwater accepted the fact that Kennedy had been shot by a Communist. This did not surprise them in the least. The loss of faith among liberals in the years after JFK’s death opened a path for conservatives to come to power. It might be said that Ronald Reagan picked up the torch of national optimism that was dropped by the liberals when Kennedy was killed. Kennedy’s death, as its implications were worked out, destroyed the capacity of liberals to govern the country.

I love this explanation because it confirms something I have long believed, namely that conservatives still believe in the inherent goodness of America even while acknowledging some ugly truths about us. I still believe that despite every Michael Moore wet dream that the United States is still the shinning city on the hill, a beacon of freedom and opportunity for everyone in the world and the last, best hope for mankind. Recent events prove that our values may not be readily exportable to parts of the world where tribal animosity proves stronger than the rule of law, but does that mean we are evil or stupid for trying?

Car Shopping - Hyundai

I'm not necessarily in the market for a new car, but I like to keep abreast of what's out there and how much things costs. Hyundai has been making some very decent cars for several years now, so I went to their web site to what they have to offer. I won't bore you with all the details, but the long and the short of it, is that they make a SUV very similar in terms of price, performance and amenities to Honda, Toyota and Mazda. Great for Hyundai, right? Wrong. Hyundai may make a decent car, but if my choice is a $26,995 Hyundai or $27,690 Honda, assuming the Hyundai is competitive in all other considerations, I'll buy the Honda every time. Until the Hyundai nameplate is synonymous with quality and high resale value like Honda and Toyota, they'll need to bring something more to the table than a price tag $695 lower than Honda. Longer warranties don't cut it in my book either, because there is more fine print and wiggle room in a manufacturer's warranty than Bill a Clinton apology.

ok, this just basically rocks...

(link via redstate)

Paul Potts Can Sing

I don't really like American Idol, especially when the contestants get kind of good, because even at their best, i.e. Kelly Clarkson, it's not my type of music. I admit, I do enjoy the first few shows with all the freaks and delusional people because like everyone else I love a car wreck.

Then there's this guy, Paul Potts, who performs on the British equivalent of American Idol, Britain's Got Talent. I love how this starts, a dowdy little toad of a man tells Simon Cowell and the two other judges that he's going to sing opera. Simon looks as if someone just asked him to bite into a turd, because let's face it, most contestants can't sing pop never mind opera. Then the little, endearing toad sings "Nessun dorma" from Puccini's Turnadot. This performance, although not perfect, is what these sort of shows are all about, watching the ordinary become extraordinary, discovering that the man who sold you your cell phone can sing Puccini is oddly gratifying.

Hamas Vs. Fatah

The fighting in Gaza reminds of a stupid, old joke:
A Hamas man and a Fatah man jump off a building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares?

Rejoneo

In the Spaniard’s heart is a great yearning for freedom, but only his own. A great love of truth and honor in all its forms, but not in its substance. And a deep conviction that nothing can be proven except that it be made to bleed. Virgins, bulls, men. Ultimately God himself.

Cormac McCarthy All The Pretty Horses

Dan Rather Slams Katie Couric

While I despise the oh so perky and stridulent Katie Couric and agree with Dan Rather's assessment of her, I think he wasn't the right man to point out the obvious. In my opinion Rather abandoned serious journalism himself some time ago. Couric may come from the planet Antigravitas, but at least she has hasn't presented patently spurious documents as authentic and then stood by "the truth of them". As least not yet, as far as we know.
An amusing note to this story is when Les Moonves tries to defend Couric's abysmal ratings by suggesting "She's been on the air for nine months, let's give her a break". Les, baby, nine months. Nine whole months, do you think that maybe some people haven't seen, haven't heard that Couric is the new sheriff in town? Maybe you could buy some time on a national network and let people know about the change. That, or admit that no matter how you spin it, America wants a bit of decorum and materiality in their talking heads. Two things that Couric couldn't devise in ninety months.

Cool Things

1. K-BAR - I knew a green beenie NCO who was always amused when soldiers spent good money on "goat stickers" as he called them. In his opinion your much more likely to use your blade as a screw driver or a pry bar then as razor sharp instrument of war. He shared my affinity for the trusty K-Bar. A relatively cheap, very well designed knife that is just plain cool.
2. Airedale Terriers - I love large terriers. Airedales are tough, cool looking dogs who have tons of personality. They don't shed and have the longest teeth of any terrier and are more than happy to use them on you if you don't belong to their pack.
3. Woolrich Hudson Bay Six Point Blankets - Even with all the modern fabrics available, nothing exceeds the warmth and practicality of an old timey wool blanket. They're beautiful, tough and most importantly genuine.
4. Wilesco African Queen - When I was a kid we always had a toy steam engine in the house. This one is quite the balls and for nearly $600 bucks it ought to be. It's a working steam engine on a wooden model of the boat from the Bogey/Hepburn flick The African Queen. As a adult if your going to play with toys they should at least be very cool.
5. Marklin Live Steam Train - Although I'm not really a train aficionado, I do appreciate quality and authenticity. Marklin is to toy trains as Mercedes Benz is to automobiles, which is to say they are arguably the best. This is a "toy" train that is actually a working steam engine that runs on butane.
6. Beck Speedster- Here in West Hartford there is no shortage of middle aged men and women of a certain income level lining up in front of local watering holes in Porsche Boxsters, Jaguars, Maseratis etc. They're all nice cars, except for the new Jags which look like Ford Contours, but there is no excitement, no umami. For less than what you'd spend on many fancy cars you could have a replica Porsche Speedster or Spyder that out performs most other sporty cars and even the originals. I love authenticity, but a foolish consistency being what it is and the difference in price being what it is, $500,000, I'd love one of these critters.
7. Dominica Bay Rum - To me there is nothing like splashing on some Bay Rum after a good shave and a hot shower, I may smell like someones grandfather but screw it, I like the way it smells. You can buy it almost anywhere, even the J. Peterman company, if you can wade through the description:

   Bay Rum has a fairly quiet scent, less strong than anything called perfume, less strong than anything called aftershave, but not so quiet as to be boring. It is, in fact, quite sexy. It is sexy the way skin begins to smell from strong sun, salt water, steel drums, breaking waves, moving palm branches and giggling coming from somewhere.

8. Fobus Holsters - I like these things because they are cheap, require no break in period and hold your heater securely until you need it. I have an expensive leather holster that smells great and looks great but even after several years it's still too tight to carry, what's the point?
9. Fighting Horses - Despite all the cool thing technology can make there is nothing cooler than an Iberian fighting horse, a Lusitano or Andalusian. Supposedly these horses entered Spain from Carthage more than 2000 years ago, since then they have been bred for intelligence, speed, beauty and courage.
10. Real Bull Fighting Swords - Wouldn't be fun to be able to deduct these things on your 1040? How can you resist this description:

    Bullfigther, these pieces, used in the Spanish art of I goad, they are distinguished by the elegance of its streamlined leaves that do them of a great
    value for the collectors and professionals of I goad.

Knots

Knot tying. Can you think of anything more prosaic? When I first started fly fishing, I'd lose half the fish I would hook to bad knot tying. Muy, muy frustato. In fly fishing you have at least five knots on your line: backing to reel - arbor knot, backing to fly line - nail knot, leader to fly line - needle knot, tippet to leader - blood knot, tippet to fly -half blood knot.

You will never see your arbor knot and probably never see your nail knot while fishing unless you get into a monstrous leviathan that spools you. It's the knots from the fish end of your fly line to your hook that cause all the problems.

Anywho, the long and short of my knot story is that my blood knots sucked, they're very difficult to tie correctly, so I switched to surgeons knots, which are pretty easy. Then I learned that you have to moisten all your knots when you tie them or they are nearly useless. The friction and heat created when you cinch them tight weakens the monofilament. Suddenly after two years or so of losing fish, I began to land them. Exciting isn't it?

After twelve years or so of satisfactory knot tying, I have started to question if I am using the best knots possible. I'm satisfied with most of them except that I'm contemplating changing from a single blood knot or improved cinch knot to a trilene knot or a palomar knot to attach my fly to my tippet and my lure to my line. It's quite the existential crisis.

Death Penalty Deters Crime

"Science does really draw a conclusion. It did. There is no question about it," said Naci Mocan, an economics professor at the University of Colorado at Denver. "The conclusion is there is a deterrent effect."
A 2003 study he co-authored, and a 2006 study that re-examined the data, found that each execution results in five fewer homicides, and commuting a death sentence means five more homicides. "The results are robust, they don't really go away," he said. "I oppose the death penalty. But my results show that the death penalty (deters) — what am I going to do, hide them?"
Statistical studies like his are among a dozen papers since 2001 that capital punishment has deterrent effects. They all explore the same basic theory — if the cost of something (be it the purchase of an apple or the act of killing someone) becomes too high, people will change their behavior (forego apples or shy from murder). From Yahoo News.

If this is true, IF, wouldn't that require a person to demand the death penalty on moral grounds?

Paris Hilton, Valerie Plame, Terror at JFK, Reduced Tuition for Illegal Immigrants

Sorry for the light blogging, I've been busy watching the non-stop Paris Hilton coverage. I kid of course, I kid because I love.
For those of you without belly button lint to card, here are my thoughts, in no particular order, on the whole Paris debacle:

• In a way, I feel bad for her. This is probably the first time in her life that she's be held to account for anything. Her parents need to be slapped smartly across the face with a month old carp.
• Celebrity justice is either a wink, wink, nudge, nudge or ridiculously harsh.
• I wonder if she'll be in one of those Cinemax prison flicks after this?
• Judging by the press coverage of this event, the world must be an otherwise perfect place.
• In another more accurate way, I wouldn't be troubled if she were devoured by prison rats, as long as there was video of it.

Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame were on the boob tube yesterday morning getting an award by Physicians for Social Responsibility, who apparently have treated every sick, indigent person in the world, that or they are a group of bleeding hypocrites. As far as my limited attention span can tell, Plamegate is pretty much a non story fanned by partisan hackery. Scooter Libby? Screw him. That's what he gets for walking around with a queer nickname.
I get the impression from Plame and Wilson that when you lift up a rock in Washington D.C. they are the types of things you see scurrying around, searching like mad for their publicists and a consistent story.

Terror at JFK. I'm amused that the terrorist thought America as whole would be morally devastated if the airport named for the beloved slain president were damaged or destroyed. What a bunch of maroons. I hate to admit this, but a successful terror event in the New York Metro area is only a matter of when, not if. Mayor Bloomberg has shielded New Yorkers from the evils of second hand smoke and trans fats, so I'm sure that he has had enough time to consider the perils of nuclear, biological and chemical weapons. Sleep well Gotham.

Illegals to get in state tuition here in Connecticut. Why do we have such a problem with illegal immigration in this country? In most of the world, in most situations, if you break the law you get penalized. Here in Connecticut the senate has approved a bill that would allow illegal immigrants to pay in state tuition. Come on in, not only will we not enforce our own laws we will reward you for breaking them.

New Jobs For Tommorrow

Like spell checkers?

Palace of the Brine

I fished the briny sound today with my friend Matt and his son Luke. We were pretty much shut out all day despite Bunker jumping all over, ostensibly being chased by bigger fish or chasing smaller fish themselves. As we trolled home back up the mouth of the Housatonic this monster Bluefish hit my Acme Kastmaster, the rest is, as they say, history.

2100 Year Old Melon Found in Japan

TOKYO - Archaeologists digging in western Japan have excavated what they believe to be the oldest remains of a melon ever found, an official said Friday. Based on a
radiocarbon analysis, researchers estimate the half-rounded piece of fruit to be
about 2,100 years old, said Shuji Yamazaki, a local official in the city of Moriyama.
The remains are believed to be the oldest of a melon that still has flesh on the rind, Yamazaki said. Previously, the oldest such find was believed to be remains found in China that date back to the fourth century A.D., according to local media reports.

BFD, obviously these people have never shopped at a B.J.s Wholesale club.

Giambi and Steroids, A-Rod, Baseball Musings

• Call me suspicious when a 36 year old man can't trot around the base path without ripping his plantar fascia, I would wager some past chemical enhancements are to blame. Look hard and well boyos, this is what steroids do for you; tens of millions of dollars and all the time in the world to enjoy them.
• A-Rod is getting some flack for shouting at rookie and getting him to drop the ball. I don't like A-Rod that much but I can't say he was that far out of line, still he's gonna get drilled the next time New York plays Toronto.
• Rumors swirl that the listless Yankees may trade Johny Damon. That's cool. I don't have much more to say because I don't care and Damon matters very little at this point.
• More A-Rod news. I guess he's been seen about town with a busty blonde who is decidedly not Mrs. A-Rod. I hope he has a good prenup. The NYC press has come up with some good names: Stray-Rod and Yankee-Doodle-Randy. Enjoy yourself Alex, stay out late, drink up. Life is short.
• It's a good thing that Chien-Ming Wang pitches for the Yankees in the AL. If he were to bat in the NL, get on base and get caught in squeeze play, things could get embarrassing.
• If the Sox sweep the Yanks this weekend at home they will be 16.5 games ahead of the Evil Empire. Heads will probably roll if that happens. If the Yanks sweep the Sox, not bloody likely, the Yankees will still be 10.5 games behind. It's hard to play with a fork in your ass.
• If John Lester comes back and is effective, how great will that be? Now if only Lugo, Drew and Crisp can figure out how to hit the ball we will be unstoppable.

Hook, Line and Sinker

I'm such a sucker. I went to eeeeeevil Walmart to buy some heavy fishing line for my salt water rig and saw this irresistible selection of poppers. I had to buy them and I don't even know what species of fish they're for or how to use them. The first job of any fishing lure is to hook the fisherman. Well done boys, well done.

Rosie O' Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck

We have to find out exactly what Elisabeth Hasselbeck did to Rosie, and repeat it something like 300,000,000 times:

NEW YORK — Rosie O'Donnell said she may never speak to Elisabeth Hasselbeck again following their now-infamous confrontation on "The View" on Wednesday.
In a video entry posted on her blog, O'Donnell said Hasselbeck called and spoke to her partner Kelli Carpenter for a long time. O'Donnell said she didn't speak with Hasselbeck and 'probably won't,' but they did exchange e-mails.

Fish Porn

In honor of the blue moon, I did something I rarely do; I kept a trout. I caught him in a super secret location on the West Branch of the Farmington with a Sulphur Bunny Fly. He was rising just my side of the center riffle and he sipped my fly on the first pass. I love it when you can tell immediately that it's a good fish. I knew he was a Brown because, unlike the Rainbows that I had been catching all afternoon, he went down and toward the far bank the instant he knew he was hooked. The Rainbows would jump repeatedly, almost comically until you reel them in. On the whole, with barbless hooks, repeatedly jumping seems to be the smarter move.

Gay Aussie Hotel Embraces Reverse Discrimination

A hotel in Australia has won the right to ban heterosexuals and lesbians by the Equal Opportunity Act Tribunal because those groups make gay men uncomfortable. Leaving aside the certainty that I'll never happen upon this place in a million years, this is unmitigated bullshit of the first order.

Read what the aptly named hotel owner, Tom Mcfeely, has to say:

"The hotel predominantly markets itself towards homosexual males, towards gay men and we want to protect the integrity of the venue as well as continue to make the men feel comfortable," McFeely said. "When large numbers of heterosexuals or even lesbians are in the hotel that changes the atmosphere and many gay men can feel uncomfortable." McFeely said his aim was not to ban all straight patrons and lesbians but to limit their numbers so gay men could freely express their sexuality. He said he expected a backlash from other patrons, but added: "I'm not worried about it because to be frank I don't really care what heterosexuals or lesbians think."My main motivation is to protect my gay male customers and I realise heterosexuals and lesbians may be upset, but I don't care about that."

Fair enough, but lets change a few things around and see how it sounds:

"The hotel predominantly markets itself towards heterosexual males, towards straight men and we want to protect the integrity of the venue as well as continue to make the men feel comfortable," McFeely said. "When large numbers of homosexuals or even lesbians are in the hotel that changes the atmosphere and many straight men can feel uncomfortable." McFeely said his aim was not to ban
all gay patrons and lesbians but to limit their numbers so straight men could freely express their sexuality. He said he expected a backlash from other patrons, but added: "I'm not worried about it because to be frank I don't really care what homosexuals or lesbians think. "My main motivation is to protect my straight male customers and I realise homosexuals and lesbians may be upset, but I don't care about that.”

Pretty intolerant isn't it. This guy would get kicked off any college campus with a scarlet "I" on his chest.

When an Equal Opportunity Act Tribunal allows discrimination - no matter how well intentioned - what the hell are they good for. Equal protection under the law is perhaps the finest ideal a modern person can aspire to and these yahoos toss it out the window so gay men can feel comfortable. Guess what Waylon? Dwarfs scare the hell out of me. Should I try to get them banned from my usual haunts so that I can feel comfortable? Tolerance is a two way street, but that's not enough for you - you want to be accepted, applauded, made to feel comfortable. I understand there are assholes who would bash you on sight but don't ignore principle for the chimerical pleasures of comfort.

Greg's Unspeakable Truth is Back Baby!

Pistol whip one impertinent valet and the next thing you know you're branded as having an anger management problem.

More young American men have died from autoerotic asphyxiation than have been killed in combat in Iraq, but do you hear Nancy Pelosi talking about a time table for ending dangerous masturbation practices?

People who suffer from S.A.D. will either be wiped out in the next ice age or become an uber race of super berserk warriors.

Visit the original.

The Yankees Realy Suck

I won't pretend I'm not enjoying this, because I am, but the Yankees really suck this year. Spending money like a democratically controlled congress won't help them either. Case in point, Rodger Clemens. At the end of the year I bet they will have paid him something like $400,000.00 per successful inning. They would have been better off finding 100 hungry and talented Dominicans, Venezuelans, etc. with that filthy lucre.

With all that said I still fear the Evil Empire, despite all that is wrong with them they won't reside in the basement forever. They have too much money, their fans and owners demand success and no matter how much I hate them, I have to admit they are a first class club. They'll still won't make the playoffs, but they or the Red Sox will make it interesting by September.

Memorial Day 2007: Technical Sergeant John Chapman

This day we remember, among many others, Connecticut's own Air Force Forward Air Controller TSgt John Chapman, killed in action March 2002. :

Citation: The President of the United States of America, authorized by Title 10, section 8742, U.S.C., awards the Air Force Cross to TSgt John Chapman for extraordinary heroism in military operation against an armed enemy of the United
States as a 24th Special Tactics Squadron, Combat Controller in the vicinity of
Gardez, in the eastern highlands of Afghanistan, on 4 March 2002. On this date,
during his helicopter insertion for a reconnaissance and time sensitive targeting close air support mission, Sergeant Chapman's aircraft came under heavy machine gun fire and received a direct hit from a rocket propelled grenade which caused a United States Navy sea-air-land team member to fall from the aircraft. Though heavily damaged, the aircraft egressed the area and made an emergency landing seven kilometers away. Once on the ground Sergeant Chapman established communication with an AC-130 gunship to insure the area was secure while providing close air support coverage for the entire team. He then directed the gunship to begin the search for the missing team member. He requested, coordinated, and controlled the helicopter that extracted the stranded team and aircrew members. These actions limited the exposure of the aircrew and team to hostile fire. Without regard for his own life Sergeant Chapman volunteered to rescue his missing team member from an enemy strong hold. Shortly after insertion, the team made contact with the enemy. Sergeant Chapman engaged and killed two enemy personnel. He continued to advance reaching the enemy position then engaged a second enemy position, a dug-in machine gun nest. At this time the rescue team came under effective enemy fire from three directions. From close range he exchanged fire with the enemy from minimum personal cover until he succumbed to multiple wounds. His engagement and destruction of the first enemy position and advancement on the second position enabled his team to move to cover and break enemy contact. In his own words, his Navy sea-air-land team leader credits Sergeant Chapman unequivocally with saving the lives of the entire rescue team. Through his extraordinary heroism, superb airmanship, aggressiveness in the face of the enemy, and the dedication to the service of his country, Sergeant Chapman reflects the highest credit upon himself and the United States Air Force.

Greg's Unspeakable Truth, Bad News

They have stopped updating Greg's Unspeakable Truth. Perhaps Greg Gutfeld is too busy with Red Eye and rolling nude in piles of freshly minted $100 bills to bother with it any more. Just as well, I have spent far too much time writing little snippets of unmentionable veracities. Listed below are most if not all of the Unspeakables I have posted, N.B. some are kind of pointy so if you are easily offended you had better wise the heck up. (Only kidding, you may wish to stop reading)

Did you ever notice that the intro Bob Marley’s "Get Up, Stand Up" kinda sounds like the theme to "The Peoples Court"?

It doesn’t matter how ugly, boring or liberal you are, after I’ve had four or five Gimlets everything that comes out of your mouth seems funny to me, especially vomit.

Tools who park sideways across two or three parking spaces because they think hey have a nice car are just begging to get keyed.

I bet the guys in The Wiggles get all the MILF action they can handle.

I don’t think Chef Boyardee is a real chef, if he is, he’s not a very good one.

Even chunky and bald I bet Brittany is still a pretty good roll in the hay.

The daily special is food that is about to go bad so the restaurant pushes it before it spoils. Enjoy.
Hotels know exactly which movies you watched on PPV you pervert.

Farting on a crowded elevator is hilarious when you do it, disgusting and unforgivable when someone else does.

If you have more than ten Unspeakable Truths "published" you need to get a life.

I always find it amusing to give a half a pack of Chocolaty Ex-Lax to this Chihuahua named Biscuit a snooty lady carries around town in her Prada bag. If only I could find a way to feed him blueberries too.

If nude autopsy photos of Anna Nicole Smith became available they would be widely published to the delight of many disgusting degenerates.

If you're planning to murder your pregnant wife, don’t do it. Not only is double homicide is a mortal sin, your chances of getting away with it are nonexistent since you will be the prime suspect from jump.

Meter maids are notorious for being miserable, old harridans. Whenever I see one ticketing cars outside my office, I run down, lift her up in a big bear hug and plant a big, sloppy, wet kiss on her. It never gets me out of a ticket, but I think it brightens her day a bit.

If you hope that ribs on your condom will make the difference, you need to rework your game.

Few things are more embarrassing than misspelling "illiterate" when flaming someone in an online forum.

If you look at drunken Miss USA Tara Conner and think "that’s too bad", you’re gay as hell. On the other hand if you think it would fun to have a few drinks with her and see where things go, you’re kidding yourself.

When micturating in public, it’s best to stand at attention, face town hall and Old Glory above it and salute gravely with your free hand. Only a god dammed Bolshevik would molest you during such a moment.

When firing an employee you should do it on a Friday and use the "Knock, knock" method. Call them into your office late Friday afternoon and say "Knock, knock." Curious, he or she will reply "Who’s there?" and then you say "Not you anymore, pack your shit. You’re fucking fired." I find levity alleviates what can often be a tense situation and helps the employee transition to a life of day time TV watching.

It’s perfectly acceptable to stiff your waitress on her tip if she has small breasts. To stiff an ample breasted gal, however, is just plain niggardly.

In a perfect world, the person who invented Karaoke and every drunk who ever tried it would be abraded to non-existence by a high speed sander using fine grain salt impregnated sandpaper.

The best way to break up with a woman is to be honest with her and tell that your wife found out about your relationship and she demanded that you end it. Most of the time your new ex girlfriend will really appreciate the honesty. If not, fuck her, you weren’t the one dating a married man.

If you have poor impulse control and are a bit of a tool, it may behoove you to memorize the symptoms of Tourettes Syndrome.

If you crave excitement but don’t have a lot of cash, hangout at an urban Emergency Room on a Saturday night, sit back and enjoy life’s rich pageant.

Call me superficial, but I think starving children are a small price to pay for the spectacle of a very well fed Sally Struthers strolling around emaciated, naked children in some third world shit hole with her stubby gams stuffed into her ridiculous cowboy boots.

Two types of men want to become Scout leaders. The first are decent, normal men who believe in Scouting and want to instruct the kids. The second type, just want to be around boys. Any guesses about how many of the second type are running around?

Chances of winning Power ball, 1 in 146,107,962. Chances of being killed by a crackhead robbing the 7-11 while purchasing your ticket, 1 in 500.

If you order your food in Chinese while dining at a Chinese restaurant they will charge you less. If you mock them with silly pigeon Engrish they’ll spit in your food at the very least.

Unless you need the phrase "tragic industrial meat grinder accident" there’s nothing you can say about The Dixie Chicks that is remotely interesting.

If you’re into the Grateful Dead or Phish and like to smoke dope, DO NOT put their sticker on your car. You might as well beg the police to pull your stoner ass over and strip search you.

John Amaechi may be gay, but that only concerns you if you date him. Tim Hardaway is a pernicious asshole, which concerns everybody.

If your in your mid to late thirties and have never been married chances are you have some major issues other than being very unattractive.

I can’t take Yoda seriously. Every time he opens his little green pie hole, all I hear is Fozzy Bear.

It would be hysterical if Eddie Murphy mistakenly bought a first class, around the world ticket on Air Tran. Boy, would he be disappointed.

There’s no such thing as "Sea Monkeys" they’re just brine shrimp.

If Barack Obama was named Brian O`Bannon you would have never heard of him and he certainly would not be running for president.

People who drive around with "Violence Never Solved Anything" bumper stickers need their asses kicked. It won’t get rid of the sticker, but it will make me feel better.

There was a time when Cindy Sheehan had moral capital, now she`s crazy as bat shit.

The myth that it’s lucky to have a bird shit on your head was made up to console people who had a bird shit on their head.

Katie Couric is perky because she devours a live, whole puppy before each show.

You don’t have any black friends. The black guy from the office who was at happy hour the Wednesday before Thanksgiving isn’t "down with you" and thinks you’re a bit of prick.

Chris Dodd couldn’t be elected president of the Hair Club for Men.

If the police have been to your home because of something you did, you are probably a low life.

A comb over is a lie everyone agrees to ignore, but no one believes.

Attempted murder is one thing but wearing diapers while doing so is just bizarre.

The price of diamonds is completely artificial. The fact that women wear them is a sign of their utter incompetence in financial matters. The fact that men buy diamonds is yet more proof that men will do anything to get laid.

Most dogs are better than most people, yet they still roll in shit. This is not a criticism of dogs.

Don’t try to act all blue collar when dropping your car off at the garage. You don’t know an O2 sensor from a Gillett Sensor and the mechanics know it so you're going to get boned.

9 out of 10 Sommeliers are complete frauds and haven’t a clue what to recommend. Fortunately for them you don’t know a thing about wine.

When police arrest a pedophile and search his home they almost always find Star Trek memorabilia. The FBI opines that almost all pervs are Trekkies, but not all Trekkies are pervs. Even so, keep Trekkies away from your kids.

In Hollywood, Michael Jackson is only slightly weirder than average.

If you’re a man over 40 and you have a ponytail most people despise you on sight.

You are much more likely to kill yourself than win the lottery or play pro ball.

If you think there is a pill you can take that will magically enlarge your penis, you deserve a small penis for being so damn gullible.

The whole stripper working her way through college thing is myth, as is the hooker with a heart of gold. Women who strip or hook are highly dysfunctional and more than likely drug addicted, and if you patronize either you're part of the problem.

Bald men living today should thank God they live in a time and place where all they have to do is grow a goatee, shave their head and voila! They’re a hipster/biker dude, not a middle aged bald guy.

Go ahead say you read Finnegan’s Wake and Ulysses no one will call you on it because no one you know has read it either

If you had an embarrassing, painful or potentially deadly STD, would you risk missing a night of crazy, anonymous, monkey sex with a one night stand by telling them about it before hand? Do you think everybody feels this way?

Bumper stickers propagate as rational, independent thought decreases and are primarily a liberal affectation. If you see a car with more than five bumper stickers there is a 90% probability the owner is liberal and a pain in the ass about it.

There are few things more divergent than men’s fantasies about lesbians and the reality of lesbians. Fantasy: Vanessa Williams, silk, Penthouse. Reality: Rosy O’Donnell, yards of stretchy fabric, The View.

Pigs are smarter and if given a chance much more affable than dogs. Unfortunately for them they are also delicious.

Designer Vaginas

This now is carrying accessorising to a whole new extreme; Designer Vaginas. It seems some women are very self conscious about the appearance of their vaginas. Who knew? Speaking from my very, very limited experience, I have always been so happy to be in a position, no pun intended, to see one first hand it never occurred to me to complain. I think this line from the story sums up the situation quite well:

The BMJ piece suggests genitoplasty is a classic example of where commercial, media and social pressures artificially create a problem, fuel concern over it and then put forward a solution for it.

Annual Vermont Fly Fishing Trip

This spring has seen the re-birth, or renaissance if you will, of an ancient and time honored tradition; The Vermont Fly Fishing Trip. It started for me more than ten years ago when an alumnus of the UCONN Veteran Center invited some of us UCONN vets to a fishing trip in Pittsburgh New Hampshire with his Vermont Law School Buddies. Over the years the trip has been frequented by such luminaries as the Queen, The Nelli Brothers, Dexter, Freebase, Pumpkin Head Paul, Peanut Head Dave, Cert Denied, Coolio, Lurch, Lude, The Snitch, Colon Blow, Mad Max, and last and probably least Pan. I'd use their real names but in many cases I don't know them, even though I've known them for over ten years and the ones I do know have real jobs and may wish to avoid any association with this trip.

There is the famous story of when The Queen went to call Freebase to arrange travel north. Freebase's father a career military man often described as "all business" answered the phone. The Queen had no idea of Freebases's real name nor did he think The Base would know his, so he says to the old grizzled NCO "Hi, this is The Queen, may I speak to Freebase?" Mr. Freeman the no nonsense NCO shouts out to his son, "There's a boy on the phone. Goes by the name of the Queenie, that boy ain't right."

Dry Bones Blog: Jimmy Carter

The Dry Bones Blog is always excellent, you should check it out.

Mitt-mentum

Talk about tone deaf, I just received this e-mail from the Romney campaign:

Keep the Mitt-mentum Going!


Dear El,
Thank you for joining Team Mitt during the nationwide grassroots effort, Sign Up America! It was a huge success and we surpassed the goal of signing up 24,000 new supporters in 24 hours. Thanks to you, we have over 30,000 new members on board with Team Mitt.
Such strong support shows that Mitt’s message of bringing conservative change to Washington is reaching families from coast to coast. Look to Iowa, where the first and pivotal presidential straw poll caucus will take place.

Mitt-mentum! Are they that unaware of the derision heaped upon poor clueless Joe Lieberman for his now infamous Joe-mentum catch phrase? Apparently so.
Fear not faithful readers I haven't jumped onto to the Haircut's bandwagon, I merely subscribe to most of the major candidates email lists just to stay abreast of what festers beneath all that hairspray.

Nobel Laureates and Cluster Bombs

Six female Nobel Laureates have called for the elimination of cluster bombs because, apparently, they hurt people:

Jody Williams and five other female Nobel prize laureates on Tuesday urged civilians to press for the elimination of cluster bombs, which cripple children and others long after the fighting has stopped.
"While so many of the worlds arms cause so much human misery, cluster munitions deserve to be singled out as an especially pernicious weapon of ill repute," Williams said.
"They have become synonymous with civilian casualties," the US Nobel laureate read from the statement signed by her and five women Nobel Peace Prize winners: Rigoberta Menchu (Guatemala-1992); Shirin Ebadi ( Iran-2003); Wangari Maathai (Kenya-2004); Betty Williams and Mairead Corrigan Maguire (Ireland-1976).

I wondered what these women were Nobel laureates in so I looked them up and apparently they're pretty much all against war and stuff. While I think it's great that someone doesn't like the idea of people getting blown up by little bomblets, what sort of government will be persuaded by their arguments? China, North Korea, Iran, Syria, Russia, Uganda, etc? Or will it be those saber rattling Kiwis in New Zealand and those terrors of the North Atlantic, The Republic of Ireland, The Brits and the Danes?

Before you say "they are just trying to raise awareness" stop. I am aware bomblets kill people, even people not specifically at war. With all this raising of awareness, I can't concentrate on important things like the skyrocketing price of ammo or how bad the Yankees suck this year. All joking aside, this is the sort of bullshit that passes for humanitarianism. Get the minorities in Darfur religious tolerance or end female circumcision worldwide, but don't hector representative democracies about a weapon system while dictatorships can still use whatever the hell they want on whoever the hell they want.

Top 10 Songs To Drive Fast To in a Convertible

1. Don't Change by INXS
2. Ultraviolet by U2
3. Head On by The Pixies
4. I Can Never Take The Place of Your Man by Prince
5. Dammit by Blink 182
6. Born to Run by Frankie Goes To Hollywood
7. Somebody Got Murdered by The Clash
8. It's The End of The Word As We Know It by REM
9. Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order
10. Allison is Starting to Happen by The Lemonheads

Feel free to add your own, this list will change as conditions and mood warrant. Re-reading this list it occurs to me that I'm getting old, most of these songs came out in the 90s.

Who Won the G.O.P. Debate

Who "won" it? I don't know. I didn't watch it and probably never will watch a debate unless some issue sprouts up that needs debating. The thing is I already know who I'm going to vote for in November. Whoever runs against Hillary Clinton. You see the G.O.P. gets a mulligan here because they don't need a candidate that will energize their base, the Dems did that for them. As astute and tough as HRC is she has more baggage than American Airlines, and none of it is lost. She leaves many Dem voters cold but enrages the base on the right. That, my friend, is the perfect G.O.P. candidate.

For the record I like Fred Thompson, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney, in that order. All the rest are also rans who should try to shape the debate in favor of their pet issue because that's the only way they will effect anything.

Coffee

Is there anything better than coffee? I suppose an argument could be made for truth or justice, but do either of them taste so good, keep you alert and make you poop? I didn't think so.

Here in New England this is a time of transition. Some mornings are still chilly, so I have my usual large coffee. Sometimes it's muggy already and I opt for iced coffee, lightly sweetened with room for cream. In a few weeks it will iced coffee until October. By my office there are three coffee shops, one closed a few months back. Fortunately it was the crappy one that I rarely went to. The only thing they had that I really, really liked was milk and cream in the old time glass bottles with the paper caps. Man those things are cool. Certain things change but are never improved, the old time milk bottles are one of those things.

Katie Couric

Linda Mason a CBS Senior Vice President thinks that Katie Couric is having a hard time because we the bumpkins in dog-patch prefer our news read by white, older men:

I'm just surprised at how, almost 30 years after I worked on the "Evening News" as the first woman producer, that Katie is having such a tough time being accepted by the public, which seems to prefer the news from white guys, and now that Charlie's doing so well, from older white guys. I guess they want the reassurance of a Walter Cronkite.

It could be that or maybe people just don't like like Katie Couric. I may be a bad judge because I don't watch any network news, but if I were to do so I would avoid Couric like a case of bleeding gonorrhea. Why? Because she's on CBS news which is about as trustworthy a news source as Baghdad Bob and she's as annoying as nails on a chalkboard.
Newsflash Linda, Walter Cronkite was a lying son of a bitch too, but back then we didn't have the internet to fact check his commie loving ass. You could have replaced Dan Rather with Mahatma Gandhi after Rathergate and it wouldn't have made a difference. The days of network news have passed.

Sheryl Crow Adopts A Kid

"I am so excited to share with you guys that I've adopted a little boy. He was born two weeks ago," Crow announced on her Web site Friday. She told fans the boy's name "is Wyatt (after my dad) Steven (after my little brother and Scooter) and we are enjoying some very private family time."

Good for her, I wish her and her family health and happiness. My only concern is that with her peculiar views on toilet paper and such, she might only change the kid every other week or so.

Just Wondering: Mama's Family

Do you remember the skit "The Family" on the Carol Burnett show with Vicki Lawrence later spun off to become the TV series "Mama's Family" on both NBC and CBS? Can you imagine a more depressing "comedy"? Just wondering.

Mitt Romney Polygamy

Mitt Romney says he "Can't think of anything worse than polygamy". There are a few ways to interpret this. One, he was sitting next to his wife at the time. Two, he has a very, very poor imagination. Three, he's not very honest. Four, he's not fond of Robert Burns' poetry:

Green grow the rashes, O;

Green grow the rashes, O;

The sweetest hours that e'er I spend

Are spent amang the lasses, O.
I

There's nought but care on ev'ry han',

In every hour that passes, O:

What signifies the life o' man,

An' 't were na for the lasses, O?
II

The warl'y race may riches chase,

An' riches still may fly them, O;

An' tho' at last they catch them fast,

Their hearts can ne'er enjoy them, O.
III

But gie me a canny hour at e'en,

My arms about my dearie, O:

An' warl'y cares, an' war'ly men,

May a' gae tapsalteerie, O.
IV

For you sae douce, ye sneer at this,

Ye're nought but senseless asses, O:

The wisest man the warl' e'er saw

He dearly lov'd the lasses, O.
V

Auld Nature swears the lovely dears

Her noblest work she classes, O:

Her 'prentice han' she tried on man,

An' then she made the lasses, O.

Green grow the rashes, O;

Green grow the rashes, O;

The sweetest hours that e'er I spend

Are spent amang the lasses, O.

Southies

BOSTON (Reuters) - A fistfight in the balcony stopped the music on opening night at the Boston Pops, drawing gasps from hundreds of well-heeled guests at one of the country's oldest and best-known city orchestras.
Read the whole thing and wonder at the restraint of the author for omitting the terms "Donnybrook" and "Paddy Wagon". Oddly enough I haven't seen a fist fight at Fenway, in the stands anyway, since 1981.

James Lileks

The Minneapolis Star Tribune, or Strib, James Lileks' primary employer has re-assigned him to write straight news stories. This is not unusual, many employers have reassigned staff based on emergent needs. Such as:

• Jessica Alba will no longer wear revealing outfits in feature films, she will now lecture on Sylvia Plath poetry at our nation's women's colleges.
• The John Deere company has engaged legendary auto designer Enzo Ferrari to design their new, entry level farm tractor. Enzo says he looks forward to working in green and cast iron.
• Stephen Hawking will now be the starting center for the Miami Heat. Shaquille O'Neal will now try to explain the origins of the universe.
• Al Gore will lecture us on global warming.
• Yao Ming has left the NBA and entered a apprentice jockey program at Churchill Downs.
• David Hasselhoff and Alec Baldwin are co-authoring a book on parenting.
• Hillary Clinton has given up the trappings of power and is giving charm lessons at Vassar.
• Rosy O'Donnell fresh from the View, will now lecture on Physics at MIT.

If these uses of manpower sound silly, imagine reassigning a man who writes engagingly about visits to Target with his daughter to write about bond issues. While I'm sure Lileks can do it, even if he's disinclined to, why would you?

A Selection of Lightweights

It seems to me that almost every candidates for president in 2008 on the democratic side, with the possible exception of HRC, are a bunch of lightweights.
Barack Obama? Please. The man has all the gravitas of Keanu Reeves and the political insight of Barbara Streisand. If his name were Barney O' Bannion, with his experience, his candidacy would be laughable. The fact that he's Black and "clean" as in he hasn't shaken down half of the Fortune 500 or encouraged a mob to murder by arson are two of his main attributes. Try finding three more.
John Edwards, sorry but the Breck boy preaching about global warming and two Americas while living in 20,000 square foot house doesn't inspire much enthusiasm. He'll have to to bring more to the stump than a spendy haircut and class warfare if he wants to win the nomination. People who know how this s.o.b. earned all his money know that he and his ilk are part of the problem and a long way removed from the solution.
Bill Richardson is kind of interesting. I'd like to hear more about him. Every time I have heard him speak, I thought him well spoken and diplomatic. I fear his politics are the same old tired lefty group think, but he seems to be a decent guy.
Chris Dodd, no one not even Dodd himself thinks he has the slightest chance of becoming president. His candidacy is all about vanity or perhaps a bar wager. Here in Connecticut where a new high school principle is front page news, Dodd's campaign hasn't created any Doddmentum or Chris-to-buzz. In fact we liked it better when he was drinking heavily with Teddy Kennedy and getting handy with D.C. waitresses, Yankee Doodle being the state song and all.
Dennis Kucinich, it's easy to make fun of Kucinich, but I admire him because I believe he believes, all the crazy shit that comes out of his mouth. I don't think he's qualified to run a rural lending library or even borrow from one, but I don't think we have to worry about him being nominated either.
Al Gore used to be kind of centrist Democrat and a sane, if kinda stiff, sorta pol. Then he lost in 2000 to GWB because Bubba was getting hummers in the Oval Office and that unhinged him. Since then he's been crazier than the cat lady on the Simpson's.
Joe Biden is fun because occasionally he says something he means. The problem is you have to listen to him to hear it. He's yet another senator who thinks he has a chance at the presidency for no other reason than he thinks he does, but again, he doesn't.
Mike Gravel, despite a great sounding name this man is all flip when he isn't all flop. Yet another tired Democrat politico who you will never hear from again after 2007 unless you are unfortunate enough to be from his state, whichever state that happens to be.

Which leaves Hillary Clinton. Hillary is tough, shrewd and very, very left wing despite how she's trying to position herself now. It may not be fair but a woman this tough is assumed to be bitchy when the same traits in a man, i.e. Rudy Giuliani, are thought of as ballsy. Of all the Democratic candidates she's the pick of the litter. In the next several months the wheels will come the Obama bus and Hillary will continue to roll along, until the election where any of the top three G.O.P candidates will defeat here handily.

Clemens

A song by Boston artist Jake Brennan:



The story behind the song is told here. (link via BostonDirtDogs.com)

For my part, I'm glad he went with the Yankees. As Bill Simmonms says, "There's finally a villain on the 2007 Yankees. Just like the good old days. I was tired of talking myself into despising A-Rod and Posada."

Super Duper

When wetting a line there's no lure like a Super Duper, at least in fresh water. Why? I have no clue, but the stupid looking paper clip seems to work almost everywhere. I have caught three or four species in the same afternoon with the exact same Super Duper so the fish seem to find it bite worthy.

Yahoos Want Chimp Declared a Person

I love stories like this:

VIENNA, Austria (AP) - In some ways, Hiasl is like any other Viennese: He indulges a weakness for pastry, likes to paint and enjoys chilling out watching TV.
But he doesn't care for coffee, and he isn't actually a person—at least not yet. In a case that could set a global legal precedent for granting basic rights to apes, animal rights advocates are seeking to get the 26- year-old male chimpanzee legally declared a "person."
Hiasl's supporters argue he needs that status to become a legal entity that can receive donations and get a guardian to look out for his interests.

My first response is beware Austrians dicking around with what is and what is not a person. Last time an Austrian tried this on a large scale it didn't work out so well. Secondly, I wonder if this same sort of ploy will work for actual human persons who haven't been born yet.

Jim McGreevey

What's a disgraced former governor to do after he's tossed out of office on the heals of a gay sex scandal. Other than divorcing his wife, Jim McGreevey has left the Catholic Church entered the Episcopal church and it's seminary. Why not? He may even become bishop there?

Joan Baez

Folk singer and anti-war activist Joan Baez says she doesn't know why she was not allowed to perform for recovering soldiers recently at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as she planned.

Here are the top ten reasons why Joan Baez was axed:

10. No one knew for sure that she was still alive.

9. After witnessing all the trauma of being wounded and the death and carnage of combat a Joan Baez concert would be too much to endure.

8. She sucks.

7. Rabid Anti-Americanism has not been shown to promote healing among U.S. war veterans.

6. There might be one or two Vietnam era Veterans around who remember her and they might have a K-BAR.

5. The sixties have been over for four decades.

4. Wheel of Fortune was on.

3. Servicemen tired of being spit on.

2. Communism not so chic anymore.

1. Seriously, do you really need a reason?